“Father-in-laws are tough, because you can’t push them around, and you’ve also got to show them respect. It’s like walking a tightrope, which, by the way, I can do, because I went to trapeze school. Did Jay? I doubt it.” – Phil

‘Supernatural’ headlines a week of quotes short on quantity but long on quality.

“You know, with drink names like that, they’re practically promoting unwanted pregnancies.” – Dale, on “Greek”

“It’s not your fault, Honey. ‘Mother’ is part of the word. You never hear of anyone being ‘sfathered’ to death.” – Phil, to Claire after he hints that she smothers the kids

“I didn’t do those things, by the way.” – Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, to everyone he served during the first competition on ‘The Celebrity Apprentice’

“If you are anywhere between 21 and 53 … you will watch this series and feel like a big fat pussy.” – Tom Hanks, on his upcoming HBO miniseries, ‘The Pacific’

“I had the lowest of expectations, and I’m still disappointed.” – Axl Heck