Quotation Marks – Bones, How I Met Your Mother, and Gossip Girl

The network television season is just about complete. Finales bring the funny, but bring the drama as well. These are our favorite quotes from this week. Did we miss one of your favorites?

Bones (Review)

Now that’s my muffin at work!” – “Wanda”

“World Champion of the World? That’s a redundant statement.” – “Wanda”
“I’m so good they have to say it twice.” – Amber

“I have a family … well, sorta. The woman I see sometimes her step kid seems to like me.” – The Raven

“They look so happy.” — Bones
“They had a baby.” — Booth
“Their whole lives have changed, you think they’d be a little more apprehensive.” — Bones
“Well you know having a baby, that’s a good thing.” — Booth
“You really think that?” — Bones
“Yeah, it’s a great thing. Why? … What? Oh, come on Bones, look the baby … the baby’s just fine. It’s healthy. They have a healthy baby, they love each other. This is the happiest day of their lives, OK? … What?” — Booth
“I’m pregnant … You’re the father.” — Bones

How I Met Your Mother (Review)

“[Responding to Ted and Barney arguing who gets to press the button to blow up the Arcadian] Guys, I dated you both, and neither of you is good at pressing, or even finding, the button. After some pawing around, that building is going to fake an implosion, say, ‘Hey baby, that was great,’ and go to sleep.” – Robin
“She means you.” – Ted and Barney simultaneously

“He’s out printing out a whole batch of new resumes because he misspelled the phrase ‘detail-oriented.’” – Lily

“Do you know how many people it takes to change 50,000 light bulbs?” – Ted
“Are these people Irish? Polish? Blondes? What are we dealing with here?” – Barney

“[Looking at a slideshow of environmental atrocities] That’s my wife’s water-birth … Not sure how that got in there.” – Mr. Bloom

“Look Ted, the future is scary. But you can’t just run to the past because it’s familiar. Yes it’s tempting….” – Robin
“…. but it’s a mistake.” – Robin

CBS Sunday Morning

“I mean look at some of those photos — it’s ridiculous.  I make Brooke Shields look like Clint Eastwood.” — Rob Lowe on CBS Sunday Morning talking about his past portfolio shots

Gossip Girl (Review)

“What we have to say is far more important than the location of Blair Waldorf.” — Vanessa

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go get drunk enough to make all of you seem interesting.” — Georgina

“I haven’t been this bored since I believed in Jesus.” — Georgina

“I’d ask how you are, but I don’t really care.” — Serena, to Georgina

“You scared me.” — Charlie, to Georgina
“I get that a lot.” — Georgina

“Well, look at that. Chuck Bass, maturing.” — Nate

Celebrity Apprentice

“Star (Jones) tried playing this lawyer card on me … and I out-lawyered!” — Meat Loaf

Bob’s Burgers (Review)

“One fish, two fish, red fish, hamburger” — Bob’s Burger of the Day

“Hey! I bet you kids are old enough to crack your own claws this year, right?” — Mort
“We don’t celebrate Lobsterfest.” — Tina
“What?!” — Teddy
“We’re like Jews on Christmas.” — Louise
“Or Jews for Jesus on Hanukkah.” — Gene
“Or me at the lesbian bar … last night …” — Teddy

“Hugo, Gretchen is into authority figures … cops, firemen … even mailmen if they have an important route …” — Bob
“Oh, my gosh! So am I!” — Hugo
“What? You’re into mailmen?” — Bob
“Well … if they have an important route.” — Hugo

Glee (Review)

“Do I get a supervillain nickname?” — Howard
“Your nickname is Panda Express.” — Sue
“But I’m not Chinese.” — Howard
“Neither is the food at Panda Express.” — Sue

“You kind of sing and dance like a zombie that has to poop.” — Jessie to Finn about his abilities

“Do you know what happens at Vocal Adrenaline if someone dies during a number? They use them as a prop … like in Weekend at Bernie’s.” — Jessie

“I didn’t ask for help, they volunteered. And I only agreed on the condition that Frankenteen and Lady Trousers help me clean out Jean’s room at the nursing home.” — Sue

Cougar Town (Review)

“It’s like, when you hook up with a dude, and then you wake up the next morning, and he’s gone, and there’s a note on your pillow like ‘last night was fun, call me next time you’re in Tampa’ and you’re like, what? I’m in Tampa?” – Laurie, on wasted college tuition

Happy Endings (Post)

“Am I in trouble? You know, looking at someone’s search history isn’t always a reliable indicator of their web habits. I mean, small typo in the word ‘canal’ and you’re in a whole different family of sites.” — Brad

“I know, the same thing happened to me when I searched for a pair of black Crocs.” – Jane

The Middle (Review)

“Guys, seriously, I’m trying to study. This is like, my entire career. It starts with lifeguard, then I graduate to beach lifeguard, then Hawaiian tropic judge, then rapper, so if you want a shout-out at the Grammys, keep it down!” – Axl to Mike and Frankie

The Office (Review)

“It’s good. It’s just that, I wish the puppets would talk more about the alphabet. Not for me, but, if any kids are watching? A, B, and so forth. You know … MNLO, P … F.” – Kevin, on puppets

“Bread is the paper of the food industry. You write your sandwich on it.” – Dwight

Supernatural (Review)

“Hi, glad to meet you. Bobby Singer. Paranoid bastard.” – Bobby

“What, H.P. Lovecraft?” – Sam
“Am I supposed to know who that is?” – Dean
“Horror writer? ‘At The Mountains Of Madness’? ‘The Call of Cthulhu’?” – Bobby
“Yeah … No, I was too busy having sex with women.” – Dean

“Your chocolate has been in my peanut butter for far too long.” – Crowley, to Dean

“You’re from freakin’ Purgatory. You never thought to mention that the whole time you slept with me?” – Bobby

The Mentalist (Review)

“How do I know you are who you say you are?” – Patrick
“That’s a deep question. How does anyone know who anyone is? Who are you?” – Red John

“Get myself a new face, a new identity. Start a new life. I have skills and resources I can use, to really make a positive change in this world. For other people. Y’know, for children. I guess I’ve been pursuing my own dreams for so long that I lost sight of what’s truly important in this world. I think that happens to a lot of people, don’t you?” – Red John

Big Bang Theory (Review)

“They’re making awful memories on my memory foam mattress!” – Raj

“You gotta like this. The girlfriend, the ex-girlfriend bonding over your rooty-tooty stinky booty.” — Howard
“Kill me.” – Leonard
“It wouldn’t help. The human body is capable of being flatulent for hours after death.” — Sheldon

“Although it is … microbiology.” — Amy
“Your doctorate is in neurobiology. I fail to see the distinction.” — Sheldon
“I’ll make it simple for you. I study the brain, the organ responsible for Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony. Bernadette studies yeast, the organism responsible for Michelob Lite.” — Amy

“Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?” — Penny
“Yes, it’s pennygetyourownwifi. No spaces.” — Sheldon

“… I volunteered for the premature ejaculation project. I mean, it’s not like either one of us has heart disease.” — Bernadette to Howard

South Park (Check out more of the quotes here)

“The fourth grade boys measured their penises and posted the results in the school hallway.” – Principal
“Ooooh dear.” –  Randy Marsh
“Now, we realize this issue can have a troubling affect that can get blown out of proportion.” – Principal
“Did they measure from the base or from the balls?” – Randy Marsh

“… And so then it turns out that Terminator secretly had a kid ten years ago, meaning Terminator could be his own father! Then Skeletor gets angry and wants to fight him!” – Butters
“No, dude, that’s not the trailer for Terminator 5. That really happened.” – Kyle
“Skeletor’s real?!” – Butters
“No, dude, that’s not Skeletor, that’s Terminator’s wife.” – Stan
“Skeletor’s a lady?!” – Butters