“The truth is, it’s been a dark year. Pierce got hooked on pain killers, Shirley’s having an unplanned baby and apparently, Chang is in the group now?” – Troy
“It’s true. God hates us.” – Annie
“Didn’t we decide at the beginning of the year that for the good of the group, we wouldn’t allow any intimacy between each other or ourselves?” – Troy
“Troy, we never said ourselves.” – Jeff
“… Ok, now I’m really mad.” – Troy
“You can yell at me all you want. I’ve seen enough movies to know that popping the back of a raft makes it go faster!” -Troy
“I’m a little behind on the times, but I believe the term you are searching for is OMG.” – Elijah to a tongue-tied Elena when he tells her that Klaus is his brother
“No ‘biscuit,’ no ‘boo,’ no ‘sweetie,’ no ‘black Han Solo’ — none of your pet names are gonna get you out of this.” — Brad, confronting Jane about seeing a couples’ therapist behind his back
“It’s my third biggest phobia behind public speaking and drag queens with no makeup!” — Max, talking about his fear of spiders
“You do not take someone’s Apple Smacks without getting a serious beatdown, son.” — Max, to the squatting artist
“Dude, you can’t act hard when you’re talking about fruit cereal.” — Brad
“I’m sick of being your beard. I mean, for someone who behaves nothing like a gay guy, you have even less of an idea how to act like a straight guy.” — Penny, in response to playing Max’s girlfriend of three years in front of his parents
“Operation Beard was a huge success. I owe you big time. If you ever want to get into a country club and you’re looking for a fake white husband, I’m your guy.” — Max, to Jane after she pretends to be his girlfriend at dinner
“Hey guys. Guess what? I finally decide I’m into Hitler, and it turns out I’m too much of a Nazi for him! … Oh, hey, Mr. and Mrs. Blum!” — Penny, to her friends in front of Max’s Jewish parents
“Two sluts and a Nazi? What are you into, Max?” — Mr. Blum
“Uh, dudes.” — Max
“It’s like watching Divorce Court.” – Grant, during Phillip and Steve’s rice war
“Phillip somehow managed to make a war about white rice racial.” – Rob, totally not being ironic
“At the end of the day, Phillip will be Public Enemy Number One. I just have to figure out who to make Public Enemy Number Two.” – Rob
“If this were therapy, I’d say very good session.” – Jeff Probst after a heated Tribal Council
“Guess you’re not gonna find your shorts.” – Julie to Phillip after being voted out
“There [are] millions of people in America that are really angry, because you pissed them off because you’re so f#*$&@! good!” – Steven Tyler to Casey Abrams
“I love that you’re out of your mind, beautifully so” – Steven Tyler to James Durbin
“Hey, where are my scones? … Mike!” – Frankie
“What? I didn’t know.I did you a favor, anyway. They’re stale and dry.” – Mike
“They’re supposed to be stale and dry — they’re British!” – Frankie
“What’s all the screaming — is Justin Beiber dead?” – Sue
“You didn’t tell me Dallas was coming to the Rock!” — Chloe, to Emily
“You didn’t tell me you were working in a strip club.” — Emily, to her mother
“Well, I guess we’re even then.” — Chloe
“OK, breezy and relaxed … OK, the Mona Lisa looks more relaxed than you.” — Max, coaching Payson on loosening up for her head shot
“Many of my plays are about the bourgeois. And ennui. And one rock opera about a frozen yogurt shop.” – Marshall
“We’re not getting too old for anything!” – Barney
“Are you sure? I feel like we collectively learn the opposite lesson like at least once a year.” – Ted
“My Dad would be all, ‘Why don’t you marry Robin, you guys would be cute together? Deep down you know you were never happier than when you were with her.’” – Barney
“This is Awesome!!” – Barney
“Barney, how is that [gestures to Jerry on the dance floor] awesome?” – Robin
“I finally know what it’s like to be embarrassed by my dad!” – Barney
“Sorry, small town preacher from the Midwest, is that a law against dancing?!” – Jerry, in a nod to Footloose fans everywhere
The Chicago Code
“Tell me, Officer, can you feel what I’m thinking right now?” – Chase
“It feels to me like you’re a smug bitch.” – Vonda
“Officer….” – Lawyer
“For the record, she’s half right.” – Chase
“If I cut everyone out of my life who made a mistake, I wouldn’t have anyone left.” — Serena
“Oh, you are ass-backwards crushing on Blair Waldorf!” — Eric, to Dan
“I know everything has gone wrong since you lost focus on work … but Carmela on Sopranosdidn’t get big break ’til she was 40.” — Dorota, attempting to cheer Blair up
“The Suttons are next … they want to be shot with their English Setters.” — Epperly, discussing the details of a photo shoot with Blair
“[muttering] The Setters are better looking than the Suttons.” — Blair
“Rufus! Yeah — we found leg warmers! … No, I’m not drunk … [looks at Carol] although …” — Lily, answering her phone in a clothing store
“Humphrey more Labrador than toad.” — Dorota
“Does anybody want to be in this picture? Or in this family?” — Lily
“Do you really think the people on this street want a manipulative psycho for a neighbor?” – Paul Young
“Well, they let you live here so I’m guessing the zoning laws aren’t all that strict.” – Felicia Tillman, after moving on to Wisteria Lane
“Look, after this game I’m taking you to a clothing store … that doesn’t also sell patio furniture and meat.” – Renee, making Lynette her new project
“We’ll Star Trek 4 this bitch.” – Dean revealing his plan.
“When you’ve done this job as long as I have, a giant from the future with some magic brick doesn’t exactly give you the vapors.” – Colt, having no trouble with the idea that Sam is from 2011.
“Hey … a hybrid? What happened to your gas-guzzler?” – Cam
“Goin’ green bo-heme. Yeah I saw this intense movie on how we’re killing our planet.” – Dutch
“An Inconvenient Truth.” – Cam
“Waterworld.” – Dutch
“I like your face. You got a sister?” – IT monkey
“No.” – Cam
“… How about a wig?” – IT monkey
Clacked by Keith McDuffee 
on Apr 24, 2011 @ 10:44 EST5EDT
