Castle
“Know what I did after I wrote my first novel? I shut up and wrote 23 more.” – Michael Connelly
“Reese Witherspoon is just a likable version of me” – Jenna, dismissively
“There was some confusion and I ended up punching the real Levar Burton.” – Liz, on a trip to the wax museum
“Of course … elegant … should vaginatorium be capitalized?” – Jack, on Jenna’s rewrites to her latest movie
“Sean Penn wanted me to go to Haiti with him, and I’m not strong enough for the pain and the human misery of a three hour plane ride with Sean Penn.” – Tracy
“Don’t preach to me about romance, Annie. I had a three-way in a hot air balloon.” – Jeff
“Dinner parties do combine two of our favorite things, dinner and parties. It’s like if you could have a X-Box pancake.” – Andy
“One time I fell madly in love with a Civil war re-enacter who I’d only known for six hours, and then I found out he wore those clothes all the time. And he was married. But the clothes thing really bothered me.” – Leslie
“Relationships are like scuba diving. If you come up too fast, you get the bends. And the reason why I know this is because I was dating a guy once, and we were scuba diving, and I told him that I loved him underwater, and he shot up really fast and he got the bends.” – Leslie
“Am I gonna regret doing that?” — Claire, referring to the Horizon Realty ad
“Did the Marlboro Man have any regrets?” — Phil
“Sweetie, we did it. Our baby is average!” — Claire, to Phil, with regard to Haley’s test scores
“Medium five!” — Phil
“Well, we took the scenic route, but we ended up in the same place!” — Alex, to her parents, regarding Haley not going to college despite taking the SATs
“Only dad can make our minivan even lamer.” — Haley, getting into the driver’s seat
“Excuse me? What are you doing?” — Claire
“I’m driving this thing to the reservoir. Just jump when I say jump.” — Haley
“My friend Nicole just sent me a picture of the van.” — Alex
“I guess I’ll be seeing you Wednesdays and every other weekend.” — Phil
“It doesn’t matter, I’ll go home with anyone!” — Haley, insisting she not get back in the car
“That’s what it should say on the van!” — Alex
“You did one of the greatest songs ever written … and you got your ass kicked.” – Jimmy Iovine referencing Stefano Langone’s “When A Man Loves A Woman” the previous week
“Here’s to lookin’ up your old address.” – Steven Tyler to Haley Reinhart, creepily commenting after her performance
“We didn’t have to do much there. We just had to grab a big book from the chick from Harry Potter.” – Justin describing the first task of the leg
“Look, there’s a special man. Go on up. Let’s go visit him. He looks nice.” – Kent misidentifying Justin’s “chick from Harry Potter”
“We are walking a couch to some chick’s office when she could’ve paid somebody to do it herself.” – Jen, not talking about the Harry Potter chick
“First and foremost, I’d like to congratulate myself on being the most naïve person ever to play the game of Survivor.” – Matt upon his return to Redemption Island
“I’ve been known to have a mercy killing in me from time to time … haven’t I?” – Rob
Clacked by Keith McDuffee 
on Apr 18, 2011 @ 13:00 EST5EDT
