Hey, American Idol? I have to admit: You certainly know how to hand out the shockers this season.
What? No, no, no. Not because of the ouster of Pia Toscano, the most stainless steel and robotic Idol contestant in recent memory. Not that.
You see … the really shocking thing was something no one expected.
“What … ?!??! Michael … seriously, what are you on about? If it wasn’t the shocking announcement Pia was eliminated, then what are you talking about … ?!?”
Am I talking about the shock witnessed when we discovered who was behind those mortifying outfits last night? (Gwen Stefani of No Doubt.)
No. But she does need to stick to music and abandon her fashion (non)sense, that’s for sure.
Am I talking about 6th place finalist of American Idol Season 4 Constantine Maroulis and how bad his performance was this night?
No. And it was pretty bad.
Am I talking about the leather-skinned, crutch-needing, spray-on-tan flaunting, microphone-failing Mr. Iggy Pop, icon that he is?
No.
Am I talking JLo’s stammering at the announcement Pia was canned?
No.
Am I talking Randy’s exasperation and arm flailing and cursing as the camera pulled away?
No. I am not. (And by the way, Randy: We could read your lips. You didn’t fool us one bit.)
“Michael! spill it! Who or what ARE you talking about that’s so shocking … ?!?”
Well, it was the most shocking thing of all.
In the midst of Pia learning of her demise … in the middle of Randy ranting … reflected in the weepy eyes you saw while Steven was gushing about Pia … in the center of the contestants’ anguish over the loss of their comrade … caught up in the sound of the moans and groans and boos and hisses of the audience …
… there … in the camera’s eye we all saw it: Stefano Langone, head hung low, taking in the shocking realization Pia was on stage for the final time in the competition … and that he was the lost contestant no one — no one — cared one whit about.
And just why was this so shocking?
Think about it. It’s as if no one gave two cents about the guy. He was the other half of the duo standing up there stomach aflutter while Ryan read the fateful results. Can you imagine how he felt at the outcry from the audience Pia was history, at all the jeers and shouts, and he was still safe in the competition? Here … try this: Do you think there would have been an equal amount of outrage if the tables were turned and it would have been him leaving?
No. I don’t think so.
That, dear readers … that was the most shocking thing of all about this particular results night.
And Stefano unceremoniously came to that shocking realization right before our very eyes.
Clacked by Michael Noble 
on Apr 08, 2011 @ 08:21 EST5EDT
Wow! Talk about putting a spin on things. Thank you. You’re right.
My only sadness about Pia leaving is that I can no longer use the nickname I’d given her “Sloppy Crotch” — she loved her jumpsuits.
I thought the reactions of the judges insulted the voters. I’m sure she is a lovely person, but barely had a personality.
Simon was needed to pour a bucket of ice cold honesty on the other judges.
I will say I agree with you about the voters being the wild card this season. Maybe we all did need Simon to keep the boat pointed in the right direction.
However, maybe a dose of reality will do Stefano good. He expects to go home, we expect him to go home, and now he knows the judges wish he had gone home.
I don’t really think it was that big of a deal. He knew he was expected to go. No one really pays attention to the person who stays. And anyway, I just can’t see what type of album Pia would put out that I would buy. She’s so boring. Yes, she has wonderful pipes. And I didn’t mind her clothes, I think she is quite beautiful and pulled it off. I just think her lack of stage presence really came through. I thought the judges were right the night before, they were pushing her to find a personality this whole time and unfortunately, that’s one of the hardest things to do?
Wow. Really a great way to look at the show. I don’t even watch American Idol anymore but I can only imagine what that scene was like.
Great piece. Well done
After the announcement of Pia leaving, hubby switched channels to repeats of Deadliest Catch …. sooooo missed most of the drama. But as for Pia…hubby says, she will follow in the footsteps of Katherine McPhee…find a rich fat cat and get married.
I’ve decided to just fast forward through all the judges comments this year since they are the same for every contestant.
“You brought it”
“That was great”
“I’m impressed”
“blah,blah,blah,blah”
X-factor is going to shovel the dirt on the body of AI currently lying prone in the grave. When not a single judge is willing to give honest commentary on the performances, every time a contestant leaves it’s going to be “shocking” because they were all fantastic.
In reality…Stephano sucked, Pia can’t emote, Scott is a joke and most of the others were so bland I wouldn’t give them a $1 if they were busking on the street.
No, I would have to say Pia’s oustedness would have to be the shocker for me. I still have yet to lift my jaw off the floor. I really liked her. I’m totally Piassed.
Icky Pop. What the F was that? He reminded me of the psycho, Buffalo Bill, in Silence of the Lambs.
Marrisa – LOL about the jumpsuits. Who’s responsible for bringing that practical fashion back? I remember back in the day wearing them beause they were supposed to be so slimming. I also remember on rare occasion, when I was totally plastered and couldn’t get out of them fast enough. (Because the beer goes right through you of course.) ;)
Great article as always Michael. You are a talented writer.
I really did feel sorry for Stefano. Yes, I did think he was going home and was shocked but I felt really sorry for him after the reaction of the audience and judges. I just seemed mean. But, I guess that reality TV.
I CANNOT believe AI put Iggy (or Icky as Lois says..lol). AI, this is a FAMILY show. and Constantine ruined Simon’s favorite song.
Anyway, though I didn’t really care for Pia, I did think she was the only female that stood a chance against the guys. But personally, I think Haley and Lauren are a lot more interesting.
My gosh……. I knew where you were going, Uncle, before you got to the punchline. I felt for Stefano and watched him thru the whole “judge diappointment” and swan song drama. They’ve been parroting praise for weeks. Why the hell are they even there? I’m glad they were pissed. GAWD, I miss Simon….. not a single “That was a mess” “horredous” “…. you might be in trouble tomorrow night” The good old days. I don’t think these judges have done any of these kids any favors.
The number nine spot is always a shocker. I knew Stefano was safe even before the show started and when he was standing up there with Jacob and Pia, I knew for darn sure he was safe. I was just hoping they would be decent about it and knew they wouldn’t be.
I took a dump during Russell Brand, got dressed for work during Gwen the Stylist and walked out and started my car when the old naked guy was singing and contorting around the stage……. then I came back, watched the non-shocker and mentally hugged Stefano because of the brutality.