Top Chef – A three hour tour (a three hour tour)

Before the sandy island experience, the quickfire was judged by one of the judges from The Next Great American Restaurant (cross-promote much, NBC?). The chefs worked in pairs to make 100 dishes that looked and tasted identical. I’m glad they did this quickfire because it is a staple of catering (my side of professional cooking), and it’s a different kind of challenge. I had flashbacks to plating fancy desserts during the numerous Christmas parties I catered in December, with each person in charge of putting a particular component on the plate in a certain way. Mike and Richard can be mad about losing to Antonia and Tiffany, but the girls’ salad had more components and was plated really nicely (and consistently). Mike needs to get over himself already. The way I look at it, being a good chef means you have confidence … being a great chef means you have humility, too. Mike needs to bake and eat a slice of humble pie, pronto. And maybe sip on some not-being-an-asshat coffee.

The next thing they know, the chefs meet Padma in a bikini on the docks. Sidenote: for many seasons now, my dad has been annoyed by Padma and has questioned why she’s on the show. I haven’t watched an episode with my parents without my dad doing his most ridiculous impression of the buxom host. So, as I saw her bikini, I could just imagine my dad’s response (someday I’ll record him when he’s doing the impression so you CliqueClack readers can decide for yourselves how accurate it is). Of course, Mike made some creepy, sleazy innuendo … classy.

So, they were sent to an island to cook on the beach for a yacht club and the judges. They were told they must use conch, but when they go to see their ingredients, there’s lots of other fish … but no conch. That’s right, they have to dive for the conch. As I was watching some struggle to swim (Richard) and some do it with ease (Antonia), I thought back to my family trip to Turks and Caicos. We took a boat tour of the island; our tour guides took us to the beach and dove for conch to cook up. Try as they might, they could only find three or hour conch — and remember, they did this tour every week, so they knew what they were doing. Considering how many conch the four chefs found, I wouldn’t be surprised if the producers made sure to throw plenty of conch into their area.

I was surprised about two things in this episode: 1. that the dishes were pretty much neck and neck with each other, and 2. that no one got sand into their food. Antonia’s snapper was praised by everyone at the table, but her conch was barely distinguishable. Richard’s sweet potato faux-pasta wowed all the guests, but his lobster was inconsistently cooked. Gale Simmons loved (with a capital L) Mike’s braised pinapple, but the other judges didn’t like his use of butter in the Caribbean setting. However, Tiffany’s hot chowder got cold before it even got to the guests, and I think that was the biggest reason she was sent home. So, who won? Mike. Yeah, I know he probably deserved it again, but he’s just so obnoxious. Two of my favorites for the season are still in, so I’m hoping they’ll be the two standing by the end of next week’s episode.

Oh, and while they were cooking, the chefs debated who they would be on Gilligan’s Island. Mike was the Skipper, and Richard was the Professor (duh). They had Antonia as Mary Ann, which I guess I get, but then Mike suggested Ginger for Tiffany. I guess that’s better than Mrs. Howell … or the Harlem Globetrotters.

Clacked by Katie Schenkel
on Mar 17, 2011 @ 21:01 EST5EDT