It’s one thing for the summer to be light on programming, but these last few weeks have been ridiculous. I can maybe accept that the networks are recuperating from a long season, but what of the cable stations that have been off for months? What’s their excuse for not bringing it the moment ABC, CBS, NBC, and FOX went on hiatus?
It’s been a few years since I’ve shared the opinion that summertime television is a wasteland, but unless someone steps it up soon….
Glee
“I love these champagne bubbles! I get to express a whole new side of myself. Because even though I’m painfully shy and obsessed with death, I’m a really effervescent person.” – Tina
“Asian vampires are the most vicious of all the vampires.” – Tina
“My parents won’t even let me watch Twilight! My mom says Kristen Stewart seems like a bitch.” – Tina
“You know, for me, trophies are like herpes. You try to get rid of them but they just keep coming. You know why? Sue Sylvester has hourly flare-ups of burning, itchy, highly contagious talent.” – Sue
“Where is my muzak? How am I supposed to shop without my Kenny G?” – Sandy
“I’m so depressed, I wore the same outfit twice this week.” – Kurt
“Dear Journal, something strange happened yesterday. I felt something below the neck. Dare I admit it? I have feelings for one Will Schuester. Sexy, non-murdering feelings…. True love always springs from true hate. I’ll admit in the past I’ve fantasized about waking up with Will’s head on the pillow next to me, except now I pictured it attached to the rest of his body.” – Sue, writing in her diary
“See you punks at Regionals.” – Puck after the performance of “Give up the Funk” by New Directions, before leaving the stage
“They did a funk number. [to the girl sitting next to him] We’ve never been able to pull off a funk number.” – Jesse
“Well, that’s because we’re soulless automatons.” – Vocal Adrenaline Girl
“I’m so depressed.” – Jesse
“That’s what they said about a young man in Chicago in 1871 who thought he’d play a harmless prank on the dairy cow of one Mrs. O’Leary. He successfully ignited its flatulence and the city burned William. That young terrorist went on to become the first gay president of the United States, Abraham Lincoln.” — Sue
In Plain Sight
“‘Ah’ is Marshall speak for arrogant.” – Mary
“I love it when you talk to me in greeting card.” – Mary
“I leave you with two words: Dick Cheney.” – Marshall, to his closeted witness
“Ah. Victory. Why such a bitter aftertaste?” – Mary, upon learning of Alison Pierson’s assistance
“You know what, Mom? I don’t want to say your problems are less significant than other people’s. But, they’re less significant than other people’s.” – Mary, on Jinx’s issues
“This is not pity. This is my twisted version of friendship.” – Mary to the witness
“I don’t know what to say except this doesn’t exactly constitute an emergency.” – Marshall, when his witness calls him for assistance
“I can count the witnesses I’ve admired on a hand and a half. The ones I’ve liked fewer still. When it comes to the ones I was truly friends with I can’t even count. I don’t need to. There was only Mia. Somewhere a therapist’s couch beckons.” – Mary, on the only witness she ever liked
Clacked by Aryeh S.
on Jun 06, 2010 @ 12:00 EST5EDT
