If you’ll pardon the social commentary — the accepted norm is that men do a worse job commemorating special days than women do. But then what’s with the abundance of “#1 Dad” crap, as opposed to the dearth of “#1 Mom” junk? Who is it that’s keeping the “#1 Dad” industry afloat?
The truth is that men have it tougher than women. Imagine the moment of terror men experience when standing at a card rack — do we buy the “You’re the best mom!” card for our wife, or our mother? Our own mothers clearly did an unsurpassable job. But our wives raise our kids, and more importantly are logistically able to make us suffer on a daily basis.
Women, on the other hand, have an easy choice on Father’s Day — we’re raising your kids! That wins hands-down against your father, who still treats you like his little girl, and got sick every time you mentioned how your body was starting to blossom … oh hell, just laugh at the quotes below. Happy Mother’s Day!
30 Rock
“Very different indeed. Like a cantaloupe and a zip-lock bag of mushroom soup.” – Jack, on Verna’s half-done boob job
“Ed was my true love, sweetheart. He was my steady at Montclair high. The night before he was shipped off to Korea, I repeatedly lost my virginity to him while Waldo, the town perv, watched from the bushes.” – Liz’s mom
“Laura Linney could have played you in the HBO original ‘Moonwives!'” – Liz to her mom, on what might have happened if she married her high school sweetheart Buzz Aldrin
Bones
“Oh!” – Bones
“Oh? Wait, you usually don’t say ‘Oh!'” – Booth
“It was an indication of my surprise.” – Bones
“Well I know that, but why?” – Booth
“So I’ve been thinking about dead cats.” – Sweets
“That doesn’t seem like a good use of your time.” – Bones
“This computer may not be state of the art, but we got the Internets.” – Sherriff Abrams
“Sure, let’s uh, throw some coal in that thing and fire it up!” – Hodgins
The Celebrity Apprentice
“Um, he’s very smug. He’s, um–” – Sharon
“He’s Australian.” – Cyndi
“Yeah I know, I know. ‘Put another shrimp on the Barbie.'” – Sharon
Criminal Minds
“Women worry about who has to clean up. Men don’t give a damn.” – Rossi, on why female suicides are neater than male ones
Glee
“This song should be arrested for sucking.” – Jesse, on “Ice Ice Baby”
“I’m going to stop you. You had me at sex tape.” – Artie
“I’m so tired of people judging me for a few mistakes I made. I try to be a good guy. I go to school and I say ‘Be cool, Puck, be nice.’ But by second period I’ve got a fire extinguisher in my hands and I’m spraying some dweeb with it.” – Puck
“I’m ironically turned on by your bad-boy image.” – Rachel to Puck
“Will Schuester? I’m Brenda Castle. I’m the new Astronomy teacher and badminton coach. I also happen to be an alcoholic and I like pills. I hear that’s just your type.” – Brenda
The Office
“She [Donna] won’t say I love you.” – Michael
“How many dates have you been on?” –Andy
“Nine dates. I said it on the second date.” – Michael
“That seems quick. Even for lesbians.” – Oscar
“All cases are solved with logic. The only logical way to find out if Donna is a cheater is to seduce her, bring her to orgasm, then call Michael and tell him the sad news.” – Dwight
“Lowest of the low. Just a notch above Toby.” – Michael, on the guy Donna’s kissing in the picture
Rules of Engagement
“I told you I’m not the only one spacing out during your stories. You got to pick up the pace.” – Jeff to Audrey, about her storytelling
Clacked by Aryeh S.
on May 09, 2010 @ 12:00 EST5EDT
