Kitchen Nightmares – My Gran could do better … and she’s dead!

My Gordon is back with a new episode of Kitchen Nightmares!  And, as usual, he is taking no prisoners….

This week, Gordon travels to sunny Miami, to a Danish restaurant called Fleming.  It’s owned by a couple, Suzanne and Andy, who are . . .  not Danish.  They bought it years ago, and it is going under.  The chef is Cuban (why not?), the decor is Pepto Bismol pink, and the customers are almost dead.  Look, I didn’t say that!  The head server did.  To organize her day, she reads the obits to see if her regulars have gone to  culinary heaven.  No, I’m not lying. But …

I’d be lying to you if I told you that each episode of Kitchen Nightmares doesn’t follow the same pattern.  Restaurant in trouble.  Couple about to lose everything.  My Gordon to the rescue.  For those of you wondering why I call him My Gordon,  I’ve explained it.  However, I will again, because I like the story.   He came to a restaurant I was working at, and swept me away to a small 8 bedroom home in Middlesussex Langconshire, where I eat chocolate covered peaches all day.  What?  Oh, I’m digressing again?  Dammit.

OK.  There are so many problems at Fleming’s, that My Gordon rubs his face and swears a lot. When he is sampling the menu, the appetizer has a dead fly in it. You heard me.  And it gets worse.  Why didn’t the chef or server notice the deceased?  I mean, check the plate before serving!  It’s Gordon Ramsay!  I admit, this is why I love reality TV.

In the middle of the first dinner service, as Gordon goes to check out the kitchen, he finds a cooked duck in the fridge amongst raw bleeding ducks.   Um, not healthy.  He understandably has one of his famous cows over the duck, and shuts the place down.  One scene was one of my worst nightmares, as Gordon treks through the restaurant and actually takes away a plate of duck from a customer.  Gordon says, “So sorry you’re eating this duck.  I’ll explain later.” Whut? I’m not kidding when I say that knowing what was behind the scenes about the contamination of this meat, I got a bit green.

Anyway. Par usual, Gordon revamps the restaurant decor, menu and pumps up the peeps. The word on the street is so bad about Fleming’s, that Gordon feels he must radically change the image of this restaurant being about “old people bland mush.”  What says that like a bikini fashion show! Oh Gordon,  you scamp. Could you feed me another peach?

As we all know, scantily clad women equal business.  So the relaunch is packed.  Gordon has finally gotten Andy, the recalcitrant owner, on board. In fact, Andy went from being so resistant to changing anything because of his fear of failure, that I felt I was witnessing a miracle of sorts.  *cue lovely beatific music of your choice*

The new menu is fresh and modern.  The old way of displaying desserts, which was on a table right by the bathrooms, has been replaced.  My Gordon pointed out that  germs from the bathroom could settle on the desserts there.  However!  Now the desserts are on a cart being wheeled all over Hell’s creation, and right by the bathrooms.  A mistake by My Gordon? I’d never point that out. I’d rather swallow my own tongue.

After a rather large fire on relaunch night, that My Gordon puts out, all goes well.  In the last meeting with staff, all are crying and grateful.  But Gordon is ominous.  He says, “Without this change, this place will never work.  Follow me.”  The staff is freaked that it’s about them, but no!  Gordon gives them entirely new kitchen supplies!  Yeehaw!

So another successful Kitchen Nightmares is done.  My Gordon disappears into the sunset grumbling.  And if he wasn’t grumbling, I wouldn’t love him.

By the way.  If  you’re having a dinner party soon, check for flies, will ya?

Clacked by Tara Shrodes
on May 08, 2010 @ 10:00 EST5EDT