Ryan Seacrest, Drama Boy: “A paint salesman … a high school student … a glass blower … a mother … a father … and a construction worker. 
These six lives have been changed forever .. but only one can take the title. This … is American Idol.”
And so it begins. Another perplexing edition of Idol.
With Shania Twain (I can’t help but call her “Shay-nee Twain-ee” … that’s just me) mentoring this edition of Idol, what can possibly go wrong? Somebody of the caliber of the esteemed Ms. Twain, well … it’s gotta be a phenomenal night of music … right? Right? Am I right here? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller … ???
- Lee DeWyze “You’re Still The One” Out of the box, Lee was a mess. Wrong key … misplaced growl .. strained and awkward. Then it seemed as if he hit a stride, but what kind of stride it was was anybody’s guess. “You couldn’t look cuter” was about the only comment Ellen DeGeneres had to make post-performance. Another perfect example of why she will not, cannot be allowed back next year … let alone next week.
- Michael Lynche “It Only Hurts When I’m Breathing” I don’t know. I used to think Big Mike could do it all. I thought his uniqueness would carry him through with little problem. But, of late, he’s been cruising on the one dimensional track. Everything coming out of him sounds the same. His voice has lost its flavor and now when he sings it’s nothing but plain yogurt. The judges may have gushed over him somewhat, but they all showed signs of wackiness tonight so you have to take what they said with a grain of salt.
- Casey James “Don’t” Smouldering eyes. Runaway locks. Gentle breeze behind him, foofing his hair. Open shirt. Jeans ripped at the knees. Pearly whites. Just put him in the Top 3 already and let’s move it along.
- Crystal Bowersox “No One Needs To Know” Nothing less than a little straight-forward country twang from Crystal. And didn’t it fit in well with her dreads? Yes. Yes, it did. Interestingly, it was kind of a plain vanilla performance from MommaSox for a change. Still, it was comfortable. Despite Simon not really having liked her performance this week.
- Aaron Kelly “You Got A Way” I don’t know. Has the hashing and thrashing of my ears all season dimmed them beyond musical differentiation? More so: Is Aaron actually getting better? Is the kid actually stepping it up?
- Siobhan Magnus “Any Man Of Mine” Good Gordness. What in the world was that … ?!? (See video below.) It was a cross between a commercial about constipation and possession by the ghost of Adam Lambert. (If only.) And the judges liked it. What in the world? Maybe they were just desperate for something to give the show a little flavor tonight … I don’t know.
But the contestants weren’t the only ones giving show this evening. There was all sorts of comedy and monkey business coming from behind the judges’ table. After Big Mike’s performance, Simon got a bit goofy:
Simon Cowell: “I thought the performance, however, was a little bit ‘wet’ … uhm … as if, you know, you were … I’ve said this before … like in a musical acting out the words. ”
Randy Jackson: “What do you mean ‘wet’?”
Simon Cowell: “Wet.”
Randy Jackson: “Wet. What does that mean?”
Kara Dio Guardi: “We don’t know what that means.”
Simon Cowell: “It’s the opposite of dry.”
Yeah. I know. Head shaking, isn’t it?
So … Michael and Siobhan: You guys are in line for elimination. But I predict Michael will be taking his big, beefy frame off the Idol stage and back home to his family come the ousting.
Photo Credit: Fox
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Oy to the vey! It was frightening. While hearing Siobhan screeching at the end (totally NOT like the trademarked Glambert style, bite your tongue) I swore she engulfed her own uvula and was requiring the crash cart. Why’d she have to go and totally muck up a completely winded performance? At least she unhooked the microphone (as I instructed) and moved around. The rest of them never move. Didja notice that? They are firmly planted with an instrument in hand. Of course, BM moves slightly, but we know his brass ones limit his mobility.
The judges must have a totally different audio experience than I do. They liked Siobhan? Her screaming made my fillings hurt.
Please, I hope you’re right about Big Mike.
And does anyone have any duct tape for Kara’s yap?
Hers was the only performance I caught, and it was PAINFUL … couldn’t believe the judges liked it!
gross – has shubbon ever even listened to that song? bleh. no wonder i watch nothing but idol tryoouts, IF i have time and my pants aren’t on the ground.
I couldn’t agree more re: Big Mike Lynche. The guy was shining for a while, and now it’s just a sad little fizzle. Although I wasn’t buying the pop music he was trying to sell at the beginning of the season (John Mayer anyone?), he hit his stride and has since fallen apart. He confuses me! I truly wish little Mr. Aaron would go home though, although he didn’t sucketh as much as usual last night. Sigh.
Siobhan Magnus. G’away now, hear?
They’d better bring it a lot more next week, that’s fo sho!
By the way, when is Kara going to stop referring to Ellen by saying “I agree with the guys”? Beeyatch doesn’t have a clue!
It’s was a little lack luster for me. The Aaron/Kara conversation made me cringe… To add Make love/Made love or not, followed by.. I sang it for my mother. Yikes.
Hope you are right. I think it’s time for Big Mike to go home.
Chiffon will be packing it up tonight. Did you really think I was going to watch the attached video and go through that AGAIN? Fool me once….
*snort*
To be determined, Lois.
At least now I can tell everyone you aren’t easily fooled.
So …. that thing you said about this episode “not being that bad” … you were trying to fool me … right … ???
I AM ONLY FOOLING MYSELF MICHAEL.
Boy, do I feel like a dope or what? I thought they were all good. I guess when a person can’t sing a lick it’s all bound to sound good. I enjoyed the review though….. made me snort.
If Michael or Siobhan or Aaron leave I won’t be surprised. If Crystal or Lee or Casey leaves I’ll gasp.
I’m glad it was Siobhan!