Billboard’s #1’s for tunage and Miley Cyrus as an Idol mentor?
Man … American Idol can only go up from here. Let’s see what was what this episode….
Lee DeWyze: “The Letter” Boxtops – Poor Lee. He didn’t seem like he could catch up with the song during half the performance. He was all over the place, couldn’t figure out where he wanted to go with the song, tried to mix it up a little … but in the end it was nothing but a monkey pen full of mess. He’s in no danger whatsoever of being in the Bottom Three come elimination … but he needs to keep stepping it up.
Paige Miles: “Against All Odds” Phil Collins – Ladies & Gentlemen: Let”s have a big round of applause for Ms. Choke Mahoney and her gagtastic version of a Phil Collins sap-meister. Good gordness that was awful. “Your coming back to me is against all odds,” she sang. No … the odds are in favor of you not coming back, believe you me.
Tim Urban: “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” Queen – Carry. Oakey. Indeed. Hey, Beertender! Bring me a tall, cold one, pronto. ‘Cause this Tim Urban dude? The one who thinks he’s channeling Freddie Mercury? Well … I need something to drown the sound out of my ears. Matter’n fact, bring me a couple pitchers. That might do the trick.
Aaron Kelly: “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” Aerosmith – Even with laryngitis, Aaron was better than Paige Miles. Enough said. Zoinks.
Crystal Bowersox: “Me & Bobby McGee” Janis Joplin – Typical Crystal Bowersox rendition of a classic tune. A Ferrari in a parade of VolksWagons. Mayhap other contestants need a magic carpet to perform on.
Michael Lynche: “When A Man Loves A Woman” Percy Sledge – Hokay ….. this happens to be a very special song for my wife and I. I’ve heard gag-nasty versions of it before … I’ve heard spifficated takes on the tune. This one? It fell shy of the middle. I hate to admit it, but I was in agreement with Kara (someone take my temperature!): It was somewhat boring and just “there.” Still, Big Mike’s not going anywhere but into the Top 10.
Andrew Garcia: “I Heard It Through The Grapevine” Mavin Gaye – “I heard it through the grape viiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine …..” Damn. Big. Vine. That was interesting. But not in a good way. The guy is lost. But the good news (something Simon hinted at) is Andrew has become a tattooed, glass wearing vampire: “You sucked the soul out of that song … you did … sucked it out and tortured it and ruined one of the great pop songs of all time.” Wow, Simon … don’t hold back. Let us know how you really feel.
Katie Stevens: “Big Girls Don’t Cry” Fergie – Ugh. I didn’t even have to listen to the song. Upon hearing the selection to be sung, I immediately pictured this as a dead weight being tossed in the water. And guess what? I was right. It slogged. I don’t know what it is about Katie; she’s got everything right there, but her voice just doesn’t shine, does it? Dish water dull performance.
Casey James: “Power Of Love” Huey Lewis And The News – Betcha Casey’s performance got Kara’s flux capacitor motorvating. I’m just sayin’. (See … that was a comical Back To The Future reference. There was this DeLorean that … oh … never mind….) Straightforward rendition, that’s all. (“Best vocal of the night,” quoth Ellen. Really? Wow. I have no idea where that came from.)
Didi Benami: “You’re No Good” Linda Ronstadt – This was a schploozy version of “You’re No Good” tailored to Didi’s voice. But … where was the stripper pole? Whappen to her dress? Wasabi that angled look? Was some anti-static spray needed? Was she flirting with Mr. Bass Dude on stage? And where was Madeline Kahn? I thought she was coming out to assist on stage at any moment.
Siobhan Magnus: “Superstition” Stevie Wonder – Holy Crap! It was the ghost of The Plasmatics’ Wendy O. Williams! Without all the whipped cream all over her chest! Singing “Superstition!” And channeling freaking Adam “Screaming Mimi” Lambert! And what a big ‘ole dopey smile on your face post-performance!
I’m exhausted from boredom.
Andrew? Welcome to the Bottom Three. Paige: You’re gone. Finally.
Clacked by Michael Noble 
on Mar 24, 2010 @ 09:00 EST5EDT
LOL, I really enjoy reading your views. I can only hope you are right. Paige has got to go. Ugh indeed!
Grab the ear plugs…last night was gruesome. Crystal and Aaron were the only two worth pulling the plugs to hear. Perhaps if Tim had just kept sliding right off the stage that would have saved the night. Wowzers….!!!
Simon was on a roll last night, for sure! Can’t you just feel that this is prolly the last season? I agree with a lot you said, especially about Katie. Early on, she had me, but I don’t know what’s happened with her. Paige was…embarrassing. Truly, I don’t remember a worse Idol performance. And that’s saying something. Boredom IS exhausting.
But wasn’t Miley awesometastical as a mentor? She really brought out of Crystal what we’ve all been waiting for.
“you sucked ………………………………………………………………….. the soul right out of that song.” he used the sentiment twice last night.
They could choose any #1 hit song and those are the songs they chose? Oy. What a disaster. I agree with much of what you said. I kinda like Lee’s gravel voice, though. I hope Paige goes. She was turble.
Well, Andrew missed the bottom 3 again!!??
Katie was that 3rd…didn’t even consider her! :o