Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Gossip Girl has never been a show that I’ve taken seriously. It’s a trashy nighttime soap, and it’s not meant to be heavily analyzed. With that said, the people on this show are driving me up a damn wall. Guys, look. I understand that being a member of Manhattan’s elite is going to bring many intriguing strangers into your life, but for the love of God, just move along! If you live on the Upper East Side and you meet someone new, just know this: THEY ARE EVIL. This is something that is true 100% of the time; why is it so hard to figure out?
By the way, this also applies to people who may not be total strangers, but are largely unknown, as they are a part of Serena’s shady past. First there was the pill-popping horror show known as Georgina, and now there’s Boring Diplomat McBigHead who’s trying to use his father’s status to become the biggest pill pusher in New York and steal Little J’s innocence (although, to be fair, that dress didn’t indicate that there was a whole lot of innocence to be stolen).
Oh, and speaking of ill-conceived plans Jenny, here’s a hint: If a dude flat-out says, “generally when I date a girl, sex is part of the equation,” then you should listen to him. Don’t just watch his mouth move; actually listen to the words that are coming out of it. This is not the type of guy who is going to fight for you. This is not the type of guy who is going to perform at the summer-end showcase with you, and he’s certainly not the type of guy who is going to give a shit whether or not you are in a corner. Do not be surprised when he doesn’t want to hear about your feelings before sex. He’s not a My Little Pony, and has, in fact, told you as much.
Jenny, in general, is an idiot, so at least she has a good excuse. Chuck, on the other hand, should know better. Sure, he gets somewhat of a pass just because so many of his issues have been built upon his feelings of abandonment and guilt relating to his mother’s death, but come on, dude. You are rich. You’ve been rich for a long time. Don’t you understand that when mysterious strangers pop into your life after saying that they were never interested in being a mother, but that you should hang out all of the sudden, that maybe her intentions aren’t entirely altruistic?
Dude. She told you that she’s been living on the money that Bart has been sending her for your entire life. Bart is now dead. Wouldn’t it then stand to reason that her income has dried up? After all, she can’t have much money saved; she’s clearly spent it all on clothes in varying shades of cream. I don’t care if her DNA did prove that she’s your mother. She’s a stranger! Strangers want rich peoples’ money! It’s kind of the way the world works.
As much as I hate to see it, Dan and Serena actually have the right idea: they’re both sleeping with people they’ve known since childhood. They’ve had at least 15 years or so to vet their partners, which seems to be about the amount of time these characters need in order to figure out how to make a halfway decent decision.
Clacked by Kona Gallagher 
on Mar 22, 2010 @ 23:44 EST5EDT
