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American Idol: Paint it bland

Who'd've thunk The Rolling Stones could be down-shifted into smarmy? The 'American Idol' contestants proved it's possible.

- Season 9, Episode 22 - "American Idol Top 12"

With The Rolling Stones being showcased in this edition of American Idol, what could possibly go wrong?  Not much, really.  But the contestants continual dumbing down of Stones’ tunes made for mostly loungey schmooze.    There were no “ya-yas” in evidence this evening, let me tell you.

Michael Lynche:  “Miss You”  What the hell was that, Michael?  Schmoozy, jazzy, smarmy gooey-ness.  Ugh.  It worked well for you last week, but this week it just didn’t come across.  Frantic, dude.  (Kara:  Shut it.)

Didi Benami:  “Play With Fire”  Didi’s signature lilt came through on this Stones tune, slow though it was.  It was adequate — that’s it.

Casey James:  “It’s All Over Now”  Choppy fuzzy guitar suited the performance.  Casey, as usual, has nothing to worry about.   (And who knew Casey’s mother was MacKenzie Phillips, Valerie Bertinelli’s sister on the old ’70s/’80s show “One Day At A Time”?)

Lacey Brown:  “Ruby Tuesday”  Lacey was coming along just fine, albeit a bit haltingly.  Then came that bridge.  Everybody waver!  Randy was right — interesting selection and performance.  (“I kinda like the drama …”  Oh, Kara.  Just shut up.)

Andrew Garcia:  “Gimme Shelter”  All of a sudden, Andrew has become completely one-dimensional.  I used to like him … but that was years ago during the audition rounds.  And that time came and went.  (Andrew:  Wouldn’t surprise me a bit if you were headed home during elimination.)

Wait, wait, wait!  It’s a Ryan Seacrest Moment:  “After this, another Stones hit coming to you from Katie Stevens.”  Really?  Are you sure?  Because I was so hoping we could break out into some Celine Dion, Ryan.

Katie Stevens:  “Wild Horses”  Forgettable … despite the fact the judges saw otherwise. I found it bland as paste.

Tim Urban:  “Under My Thumb”  White boy can’t do reggae.  No rasta, mon.

Siobhan Magnus:    “Paint It Black”  You know, Siobhan: WowZah.  This was a spiffy performance (see video below) and, in my book, you got my vote as female contestant of the week.    (“I’m having flashbacks of Adam Lambert.”  Kara?  Shut up.)

Lee DeWyze:  “Beast Of Burden”  Yep.  It felt like I was in back of this beast pushing it up a hill with it refusing to yield.  What a burden.

Paige Miles:  “Honky Tonk Woman”   Ugh.  Nothing good to say here.  (“The young Paige is back.”  Kara?  Shut it.)

Aaron Kelly:  “Angie”  Again, another WowZah performance.  The kid do’d goodly.  When I heard Stones tunes were in the mix for this episode, I wondered what could Aaron possibly pick that would suit him?  Turns out “Angie” was the ticket that fit him to a “T”.  I saw growth in that performance.  Where did that come from?

Crystal Bowersox:  “You Can’t Always Get What You Want”  Can this girl do anything wrong with a song?  It oozes out of her, makes its way right into the microphone and comes out with so much character there’s nothing to improve.  A performance is coming where she stumbles and falls … but we won’t know that until it hits us full in the face when we least expect it.

Overall — with the exception of a very few performances — everyone was bland and colorless.  Even the judges (with the exception of bubbly Randy Jackson) didn’t seem completely into the contestants.  There will be those days.

I’m going out on a limb and predict Andrew Garcia takes a hike during elimination.  His time is done.  If he remains, it will be the same old same old from the guy.

And no one wants to see that.

Photo Credit: Fox

14 Responses to “American Idol: Paint it bland”

March 17, 2010 at 11:01 AM

Oh hello, just where does one begin with last night. Tim Urban…I kept waiting for the audience to hold hands and sing Kumbaya afer his performance. Hatda laugh to keep from crying. Lacey Brown sings like Minnie Mouse on helium. Aaron Kelly, I swear is a long lost Osmond BUT do admit last night he was purtee good. In agreement Siobhan most likely was the best of the night but Crystal still is my favorite. And please, someone cut the Chatty Cathy strings on Kara.

March 17, 2010 at 11:43 AM

I don’t know who is more inane at this point, Mikki: Kara or Ellen.

At least Pauler’s inanity was entertaining. Both of theirs leave you with instantaneous “Huh?” moments … then whatever they’ve said is gone and forgotten.

March 17, 2010 at 11:48 AM

I guess it was exciting for some people to have a Rolling Stones theme, but if the songs meant nothing to me, then they likely meant nothing to the millions of people in demographics younger than me. Singing a group’s songbook just doesn’t work so well.

First of all, Idol killed the Beatles last year. Killed. Not a note was pleasant. But also, forcing everyone to sing a song from one group or singer is just a horrible thing to do, and the truth is that this way is a lot more confining than something like R&B night. At least there people like Chris Daughtry and Carrie Underwood, singers with very distinct sounds, got to be creative in their choices. What some might have called cheating, I called knowing themselves as artists AND making their performances pleasant for us to listen to.

Last night wasn’t bland, it was awful. A total disaster.

March 17, 2010 at 12:09 PM

The thing about having a band’s roster for theme night is finding out the true mettle of what a contestant is made of. (Really? Zat it?!?) They: 1) Adapt; 2) Fail miserably; 3) Walk a fine line; 4) Find out a particular style is not suited for them; 5) Discover something they thought they didn’t have; 6) Excel.

For you, Aryeh, the night was a total disaster. I can understand that. You obviously like The Stones. (Or you did, up until last evening.)

I agree with you on one count, at least: Theme nights should consist of a vast landscape from which to choose. There’s more room for exploration, excitement and adventure. And it’s easier on the viewing audience.

Idol is all about taking the good with the bad. Know this going in and you can do a pretty good job estimating whether or not the night is going to be a pleasant cocktail experience …

… or a drown-out-the-pain-with-a-six-pack-of-PBR schlub-fest.

March 17, 2010 at 1:56 PM

Zat’s it … but it doesn’t mean it makes sense. Should Carrie Underwood not have deserved to win if she couldn’t sing anything other than country and pop? Nope. No artist is required to excel at all genres to excel in the business. I realize the competition requires something beyond “sing,” but it doesn’t mean anything if Clay Aiken can’t sing reggae.

Actually, the Rolling Stones mean nothing to me (I couldn’t have told you who was in the band if they didn’t tell us last night), but I could figure out that they probably weren’t a hot mess when they performed. That’s how I knew the contestants were butchering their music. :)

March 17, 2010 at 12:15 PM

I do believe the Mr. Taraone said it best when he called the evening a sacreligious elevator music ride for the true Stones fan. But “having said that”, I agree with Aryeh that the singing of one group or artist’s songbook is a tough thing. Tim Urban really killed me with “Under my Thumb”, I mean LISTEN to the words, dude. It’s an angry abusive song. Not raggae a’tall! “Under my thumb’s a squirming dog who’s just had her day…” I was hiding behind a sofa pillow laughing at his rendition, and if he doesn’t go home then…I don’t know what. I’d much rather see Garcia stay. Out with Paige, Tim, and for goodness sake Lacy at this point. WHAT was she wearing…not a T-shirt, not a bustier…it t’was a TUSTIER!

March 17, 2010 at 1:00 PM

Wait. This show is still on TV? Really? I mean if it was on NBC, I could understand. They’ll put anything on that’s not a test pattern.

March 17, 2010 at 3:31 PM

I was expecting a night of rock music, but instead I’m subjected to listening to “A Tribute to the Rolling Stones: Ballads”?!? The thought had crossed my mind….would a Philharmonic Orchestra make the Stones sound any better or any worse??

March 17, 2010 at 4:32 PM

Hmmm.. I dunno. I rather enjoyed the show last night. It was better than it has been this season. Think you might be right about ole Andrew. I really like the fella but I do think his hours are numbered. Also agree with you… Kara, Shut Up Already.

March 17, 2010 at 6:01 PM

Well, I can’t disagree with much that you said. Some of it even looks oddly familiar.

Yes, Kara, shut it!

March 17, 2010 at 8:20 PM

I was also underwhelmed last night. Most of what you wrote is what I would’ve written, although I did like Lee’s Beast of Burden–it had a gritty sound to it.

March 17, 2010 at 8:49 PM

I will give you the fact that last night was totally bland…even for me and I’m not a huge Stones fan at all.

You were wrong on the comment on Casey’s mom…funny as hell but still just so wrong…LOL

Lacey sounds like a mouse to me, I don’t think I will ever care for her at all.

Your right that Andrew may leave us, but I hope not…he’s just gotta have more stuff like Straight Up….come ON!!

Totally agree about Katie…I’ve been trying to figure out the reason behind their rants since day 1. Yes, good voice, but she is NOT all that!!

Disagree on the white boy reggae comment…there are plenty already out there mon!! Take it from someone who has more reggae in her music collection than anything else. This was actually the first time I liked Tim…otherwise he can go too!

Siobhan was hands down the female of the night…I agree.

I agree about Aaron, but he’s still only 16…I don’t think he’ll interest me once he has his own album…kinda popcornish and Miley Cyrus-ish…blah He was the best male performer of the night though..I won’t take that away from the baby…I mean kid.

After all that being said, Crystal is still my favorite, which is why I don’t want her to win.

I honestly think it will be Lacey to leave tonight, but we’ll see :)

and to Aryeh….the goal is NOT for someone like Carrie to sing an R&B song the point is for her to MAKE the song HER style…if that’s country then she needs to make that song sound country which is exactly what she did…same with Daughtry they took the songs no matter what genre and MADE IT THEIR OWN…that is the point!

March 17, 2010 at 8:58 PM

Mackenzie Phillips–I just nearly spit out my drink…non-alcoholic that it is…can’t a pregnant lady get a beer around here? That was too funny! As much as it saddens me, as I saw some potential in him, I have to agree re: Andrew Garcia. Even though I though Tim Urban deserved to be stoned for his Stones bastardization, as well as Paige Miles, they seem to have big fan bases. Great read!

March 21, 2010 at 7:03 PM

A few days late and some dollars short.

What I DID like about the show was that I’ve never been able to understand Mic Jagger’s lyrics up until then. For example, Gimme Shelter has always been…ahh chiden, eeh jus a shadoway, eeh jus a shadoway.

Did DeWyze really ask if he was hard enough? What did he mean by that?

Did Michael eek out a couple of Michael Jackson peeps in the upper register? I do believe I saw him grab himself. I coo be ong, oh ya I coo be ong.

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