Quotation Marks – Elephant’s scrotum, Andy’s crotch, and Camel penises

If that title doesn’t scream Happy Valentine’s Day….

The Olympics spell the death of television for the next few weeks, but lucky for us this past week has been jammed packed with worthy quotes, funny moments, and cheesy romance. Of course, the salty side of love wasn’t forgotten, just referred to in a far more vulgar way than usual in honor of the “little flying fat kid[’s]” special day. That’s right Stephen Colbert … I’m looking at you!

30 Rock

“On Valentine’s day Angie and I rent a room with a heart shaped hot tub and cook chili in it. Then we take it to a soup kitchen and that’s where it gets sexy!” – Tracy

“I always knew this would end some day. I just thought it would be with me in the trunk of a rental car.” – Jenna, on being dumped by her stalker

“I learned to talk to gorillas when I worked for GE medical. [While signing] We’re going to test poisons on you.” – Jack

“Wow, Avery Jessup, she’s hot. She was on Maxim’s ‘I’d Rape That 100′” – Liz

American Idol

“So this is it, huh? I come on … you leave.” – Ellen DeGeneres to Simon Cowell on night one of Hollywood Week

Community

“She [Britta] has more arguments that don’t matter than a comment section on a YouTube video.” – Jeff

Cougar Town

“Where’s Jules? Andy and I are going on a romantic couple’s lunch and we want her to come with us.” – Ellie

Daily Show/Colbert Report

“Is that your face? I thought you were wearing a ski mask made from an elephant’s scrotum.” – Stephen Colbert to Jon Stewart

Greek

“I don’t know what cliché means.” – Beaver to Ashleigh, in the batting cage

“He’s just so … so … mentally challenged.” – Ashleigh to Casey, about Beaver

Grey’s Anatomy

“It’s Valentine’s Day.” – Derek and Owen
“We don’t do Valentine’s Day!” – Cristina and Meredith

“These are all half-eaten!” – Cristina
“Now you can see what they are.” – Karev

How I Met Your Mother

“Robin, you’re going to marry this guy so fricking hard. Right in the butt.” – Marshall

“I can’t do that Ted. I just can’t hook up with a girl if there is a hotter girl out there with whom Up can be Hooked.” – Barney

“And wait, this is the best part, I’ve been working on this for a while … I’ll duck out.” – Ted

Leverage

“James Sterling, Interpol. It just rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?” – Sterling

“I never get to do anything fun.” – Parker, as she dives off the side of a building

“Be still my heart, if my heart was somewhere in my pants.” – The Mayor, when he saw the plans for the ballpark

Life Unexpected

“Oh, you’re just bitter that you’re buying too many dinners and not enough breakfasts.” – Cate

“I’m married … with step-kids.” – Alice
“I’m out.” – Jamie

“They picked out kids like they were puppies … or cars.” – Lux

The Middle

“Hey, Lady Gaga, love your music.” – Axl to Sue, upon seeing her dressed for her party

“You look so pretty in all of that makeup. Like a Kardashian.” – Carly to Sue, right in all the wrong ways

“They said they’d take him for the night. A deal’s a deal!” – Mike to Frankie, when Zack’s mother calls to have Brick picked up

Modern Family

“Are you in town for a convention or something or do you forget your name a lot?” – Claire to Phil’s “Clive Bixby,” who’s wearing a Hello tag.

“You look so strong and sexy, like an Olympic wrestler, but with money.” – Gloria to Jay

“All women should look as tasty as you when they’re old.” – Dylan to Claire as he gives her a Valentine’s Day rose

The Office

“These sure are pretty dogs.” – Andy
“They love a good crotch.” – Jo
“Yeah, they sure do.” – Andy
“You should take that as a compliment.” – Jo
“Oh, I do.” – Andy, followed by Erin smiling her encouragement/agreement?

“Oh, a bird and a dog.” – Erin
“Yeah, well it’s Snoopy and Woodstock .” – Andy
“You named them?” – Erin
“Ah, Charles Schulz did.” – Andy

“Camel cigarettes did the same thing with Joe Camel by making him look like a penis. I can’t even go near a cigarette now without thinking of a penis. And vice versa.” – Michael, on saying the word “manager” a lot to Jo

Parks and Recreation

“It’s the most romantic story ever. It makes The Notebook look like Saw V.” – Leslie, on the story her mother told at Galentin’s day about the lifeguard

Psych

“You sat there and ate Munchos while I called my contacts in Sacramento.” – Henry
“I was on the missing persons website.” – Shawn
“The band Missing Persons.” – Henry

Supernatural

“You mean the little flying fat kid in diapers?” – Dean, referring to the legendary Cupid
“They’re not incontinent.” – Castiel

White Collar

“Peter, are you serious? Mi casa es su casa.” – Neal
“Su casa isn’t even su casa.” – Peter