Quotation Marks – Mel Gibson, Matt Damon, and McDreamy

This week’s post could have been quotes from the Golden Globes from top to bottom. We hosted a Live-Blog/Chat, and had a blast watching the award show together. Check the chat transcripts for all of our snarky commentary, and many, many quotes from acceptance speeches. I’ve provided a couple here, but i’ts only the tip of the iceberg.

The Golden Globes

“I like a drink as much as the next man, unless the next man is Mel Gibson.” — Ricky Gervais, introducing Mel Gibson while drinking a beer

“First of all, I’d like to thank Susan Downey for saying Matt Damon is going to win, so don’t bother to do a speech.” — Robert Downey Jr. at the beginning of his acceptance speech

“If you want attention, sit next to Paul McCartney. I don’t think I’ve ever had so many texts in my life.” — Julia Roberts

Quotes from the Ether

“It’s a shame that all this montage episode told us is how crappy the show’s been lately, by showing us when it was great.” — Keith McDuffee, about The Office
“That’s what every montage episode does.” — Rich Keller

“Keith is right… if Lynch didn’t get the nod, I really don’t see Glee getting it….” — Ivey West (You know, me), about 10 minutes before I ate those words in the Globes Live-Blog/Chat

The Office

“The principles that I’m applying to the office are the same ones that made Lady Gaga a star … or any number of drag queens.” – Michael

Modern Family

“I came out of the closet in my mid-twenties. I had to come out to my dad three times before he finally acknowledged it. I’m not sure if maybe he was hoping he heard it wrong, like I’d said, ‘Dad, I’m gray.'” — Mitchell

“We have a saying in my country that means love is just around the corner… I come from a neighborhood with a lot of prostitutes.” — Gloria

“Would he refer to Phil as a friend of Claire’s? No.” — Mitchell, after Cam told him that Jay introduced him to his friends as “a friend of my son”
“I’ve heard him call Phil a lot worse.” — Cameron

“Imagine our home theater system is a human body. So then the receiver is the brain. The TV is the face.” — Phil
“I know what part you are.” — Claire

“Look at that — two things flaming at once.” — Mitchell to florist, as Cam OMGs about flaming flowers

Bones

“And even if they use condoms, Wendell is young. His sperm is extremely motile.” — Brennan

“Dr. Brennan doesn’t make life choices without a Boolean flow chart.” — Cam

“No, this is America, baby, we can conjecture all we want.” — Booth

“Oh, that was totally ninja. Maybe some anger issues there, but you kicked ass.” — Sweets

Community

“Before we start, I’d like to have a preliminary pow-wow, or prelimiwow, about what I’m calling our library’s back-door conundrum.” — Annie
“That sounds like a porno starring Kate Winslet.” — Abed

“Girls are supposed to dance, that’s why God gave them parts that jiggle.” — Troy

Parks and Recreation

“I just want this dinner party to go well. There are very few things I’ve asked for in this world; to build a park from scratch, to one day become president, and to one day solve a murder on a train. I think it’s fair to add this to the list.” — Leslie

30 Rock

“Cross-promotional, deal mechanics, revenue stream, jargon, synergy.” — Liz, trying to convince Jack to take TGS to Florida
“That’s the best presentation I’ve ever seen. Get started right away.” — Jack

Burn Notice

“In the world of espionage, there are a lot of ways to introduce yourself. You can use official channels, you can use a cover ID, you can use encrypted communication. Whatever the method, that contact tells you a lot about a person, especially when someone introduces themselves by fire-bombing a hotel room.” — Michael

Cougar Town

“I can’t believe you got all the way naked for me last night. I love you.” — Andy to Ellie

“There’s not that many men out there looking for a forty-something mom who needs lots of foreplay and is a mediocre cook.” — Jules

Leverage

“If you are a stay-at-home mom, you break out the wine and the Xanax, ’cause we’re having snow days here, people.” — Hardison during his fake blizzard forecast

“It’s different than before. Before, I used to think that I was OK when I was drunk. Now, I know I’m not OK.” — Nate

Grey’s Anatomy

“Alex and I … We’ve done it before. It was like recycling…  It was good for the environment.” — Lexi

“Don’t McDreamy me.” — Derek
“McDreamy is being a McAss.” — Meredith