It’s a new year, which can only mean one thing: a new season of Celebrity Apprentice! And according to the most intrepid of news outlets, the veil of secrecy has been lifted on what “celebrities” are set to compete.
I’d like to take a moment here and share with you just how rejuvenated this series has felt since beginning the “celebrity” iterations a few years ago. Back when this was really about an apprenticeship with Donald Trump (okay not really, but ostensibly), the show was nothing more than a really sad reality about how hungry people were for fame and fortune. Successful individuals left real jobs, and their families, to compete for a spot as little more than Trump’s newest marketing campaign. I mean, I watched it, but it was sad. Now? We’ve got a bunch of hazily recognizable names competing for charity, and a second chance at the spotlight. While that may sound even sadder, trust me … it is. In a good way!
So, to this season’s competitors:
Darryl Strawberry Any semi-conscious American recognizes this former NY Mets’ (and Yankees’) name. His drug and other assorted legal problems have landed him in the tabloids countless times, and his bad breakup with baseball is one of the reasons that Strawberry has faded from our minds. But with a big sports name, he’s this season’s Lennox Lewis (season 7) and Herschel Walker (season 8).
Cyndi Lauper Another “famous” singer I’ve never heard of (or more accurately, heard) on this show. Where that bodes well for her is that Trace Adkins (7) and Clint Black (8) fell into that same boat for me in the past. Both were awesome, and both were great competitors.
Michael Johnson Ah, the Olympic athlete. I don’t know much about the man personally, but Trump loves that competitive drive. Unfortunately it didn’t serve Jennie Finch (7) or Scott Hamilton (8 — can I lump him in here?) very well.
Curtis Stone Some TV chef? No idea, but I wonder if he’s meant to be acerbic like Piers Morgan (7) and … um, was Joan Rivers (8) anything other than annoying? However, that’s some pretty good company for Curtis….
Carol Leifer I know someone named Leifer, although it’s not this comedian/writer (plus I think they spell it with a “T” at the end). Um, maybe Marilu Henner (7), and no one from season eight? Just as well, since eight had too much weepy drama for me.
Bret Michaels Does anyone else always think of Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty when this Poison-vocalist-turned-reality-star’s name is mentioned? Me neither. There’s no question Bret gives me the Gene Simmons (7) vibe, but is he as confrontational? And is he more Brian McKnight or Tionne Watkins from season eight?
Goldberg Yeah, the guy who’s not The Rock. My only knowledge of him stems from an episode of Punk’d. Hello Tito Ortiz (7) and Dennis Rodman (8) … will he surprise us for the good or the bad?
Holly Robinson Peete I know there are a ton of actors and actresses I’ve never heard of, but why are they always the “celebrities” on these shows? Her dad Matt Robinson was the original Gordon on Sesame Street, so that’s cool. Plus I do have a vague recollection from 21 Jump Street. So let’s say Carol Alt (7)?
Selita Ebanks The Donald loves him some models. Can you say Tiffany Fallon (7), and Brande Roderick and Claudia Jordan (8)? Hopefully Selita will prove more like Brande.
Summer Sanders Yet another former Olympian. This season seems a little heavier on the athletes, although we can still match Summer up to Nadia Comaneci (7), and maybe future Olympian Natalie Gulbis (8)? Did women’s golf make it into the 2016 Olympics too?
Maria Kanellis A WWE wrestler and a model? Yowza! I’d label her as a “never has been,” and group her with Nely Galán (7) and Melissa Rivers (8). But as long as she’s not a Melissa, Maria can stick around as long as Baby Rivers did.
Sinbad I only hear his name anymore as a punchline. Wish that it weren’t true, but it is. This one’s obvious to me — give him the Tom Green and Andrew Dice Clay (8) special. I just hope he has some business sense.
Sharon Osbourne Ugh. I never remember if she’s the one whose entire family sang, or the one with the black makeup and clothing, but I still always think “ugh” when I hear her name. I have two juicy “ughs” to join her — Omarosa (7) and Khloe Kardashian (8).
Rod Blagojevich You’ve got to be kidding me! I’m going to choose to ignore everything else for now, and just label him an inevitable whiner and prima donna. Sounds like Stephen Baldwin and Vincent Pastore (7), and Annie Duke (8). Except I enjoyed Stevie B and Vinnie.
Anyway, all of that adds up to another great season. Sure, taking them separately you might groan, but imagine all these people together for three months!
And if you were playing at home, you’d have noticed that one person from seasons’ past went unaccounted for. That’s Jesse James — he was alright, and one of a kind.
Clacked by Aryeh S.
on Jan 04, 2010 @ 15:00 EST5EDT
Blago is a total maroon.
I will watch it just see if Donald Trump can get the bandanna off Bret Michaels head.
You used “any semi-conscious American” when referring to knowledge of Darryl Strawberry (debuted 1983) and then from the context derisively called Cyndi Lauper “famous” (“Another ‘famous’ singer I’ve never heard of”). Really? So, a multi-platinum recording artist (16 million albums sold, also in 1983), one of the keys to the success of MTV, a legitimate icon of the 1980s courtesy of her most famous album, “She’s So Unusual” and single “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” – you’ve never heard of? But a baseball player who debuted the same year as Lauper’s height of fame, more known for wasted potential and drug use, you’ve heard of? And you write on entertainment? Back to the drawing board.
*POST AUTHOR*
Actually I write television, so I should know the actors/actresses before anyone else, no? :)
I did qualify the Cyndi Lauper paragraph by saying “or more accurately, heard,” but yes, for me, that’s the case. Darryl Strawberry’s drug problems have nothing to do with his name recognition as one of the biggest in baseball over the last three decades, whereas if I hear the name Cyndi Lauper, I know I know it, but if they hadn’t written that she was a singer I’d have had no idea who she was. I can only comment on things as they appear to me.
My guess would be that more Americans (baseball lovers of the world) know him than her. It doesn’t detract from what she’s accomplished, it’s just a statement. But I’ll have a full season of Apprentice to get to know her.