This week was NBC’s annual Green Week. Which means that its peacock adopted the color green. Sure, The Office and 30 Rock did some conservation focusing (that’s all I watch on NBC so I can’t elaborate any further), but recycling old Al Gore moments don’t really cut it as far as quotes go — or as far as saving the Earth does. Instead, this week South Park went with science, The Middle chose to focus on the dangers of alcohol (bottles), and Castle raised the age-old question: is it a good idea for ex-cons to receive an accredited education in a field that will only enhance their criminal activities? Sure, if they’re funny.
30 Rock
“Drama is like gay man Gatorade … it repowers their electrolytes.” – Jenna
“Don’t worry, Jack, our topical cold open is about Omarosa borrowing Bjork’s swan dress.” – Liz
“Kenneth, I once took a low volume shower with Ed Begley Jr. What more can I do?” – Jenna, on going green
“Don’t talk to me like that. You look like a turtle who lost its shell.” – Liz, to Kenneth
The Big Bang Theory
“Moving to psychiatric disorders, list all major behavioral diagnoses, e.g. depression, anxiety, etc.” – Sheldon, taking Penny’s medical history
“Oh, my God; what the hell does this have to do with my stupid shoulder?!” – Penny
“Episodes of sub-psychotic rage.” – Sheldon (writing)
“Ass.” – Penny
“Possible Tourette’s.” – Sheldon (writing)
Castle
“I’ve always been good with locks. When I was in the joint, I was thinking, ‘How can I take this and make it more productive?’ You know? So I’ve been applying to locksmith schools. But, you know, they won’t let me in on account that I’m a felon. Can you believe that?” – Jessup to Castle and Beckett
Glee
“I don’t know why I find his stupidity charming. I mean, he’s cheating off a girl who thinks the square root of four is rainbows.” – Kurt, on Finn
House
“House is back in charge … and we’re treating a porn star.” – Foreman
How I Met Your Mother
“If you fall for that one, my heart breaks for you, but I’m sorry, you’re a Smoron.” – Robin about Barney’s SNASA playbook entry
The Middle
“Mom hit me with a beer bottle.” – Brick, after an errant throw from Frankie hits him in the arm
“You know all those times you wished someone would come and take your kids away? Well, the reality isn’t really as great as the fantasy.” – Frankie’s narration before the social worker shows up
The Office
“How is he gonna have grandkids?” – Dwight, about Oscar
Saturday Night Live
“Will you kiss me?” – Hu Jintao
“I don’t understand.” – President Obama
“I like to be kissed WHEN SOMEONE IS DOING SEX TO ME!” – Hu Jintao
South Park
“We’ve warned the owner of the park, but he refused to shut down. This was inevitable.” – Scientist
“So this is all pee related?” – Police Chief
“Yes. I tested the pH levels this morning.” – Scientist
“And?” – Police Chief
“It was almost all P. No H.” – Scientist
Clacked by Aryeh S.
on Nov 22, 2009 @ 14:00 EST5EDT
