Quotation Marks – Bilarious, bike-curious, and bagpiping

I have missed the Supernatural boat. Everyone tells me what a great show it is, but I’ve never taken the time. If this week’s lead quote is any indication, I sure am missing out. The week before the start of November Sweeps also brings us some good quotes from Modern Family and Community. Next week, however, I promise the return of Glee!

Supernatural

“You gotta calm down.” — Sam
“Calm down? I’m wearing sunglasses at night!! You know who does that? No talent douche bags! I hate this game! I hate that we’re in a procedural cop show and you want to know to know why … because I hate procedural cop shows! There’s like 300 of them on television and they’re all the freaking same. It’s, ‘Oh, plane crashed here.’ Oh shut up!” — Dean

30 Rock

“You’re setting him up to get it. You don’t think I know that trick. You don’t think I’ve been brought in on a million auditions just to make Kim Catrall seem grounded and human.” — Jenna, on Liz’s plan to get a new cast member hired.

“My mom used to send me articles about how older virgins are considered good luck in Mexico.” — Liz

“I’m not gay. I’m…bilarious!” — Homosexual man waiting on line to see Hugh Jackman

Community

“Listen… Randi can be the name of a guy or a girl. But in this case… it is definitely a girl.” — Troy

“I’m an artist. I write what I feel. And I feel that you suck.” — Vaughn

“TV’s the best dad there is. TV never came home drunk. TV never forgot me at the zoo. TV never abused and insulted me. Unless you count Cop Rock.” — Jeff

“I lived in my car for a stretch in the ’70s. Nothing like bedding on one in the vinyl backseat of a Skylark. Of course we didn’t have the same safety standards back then, so… no condoms. I tell you, before AIDS, sex was like shaking hands.” — Pierce
“Hence AIDS.” — Abed

Parks and Recreation

“Pawnee’s library department is the most diabolical and ruthless bunch of bureaucrats I’ve ever seen. They’re like a biker gang. Only instead of shotguns and crystal meth they use political savvy and shushing.” — Leslie

“It was like doing peyote and sneezing slowly for six hours… that woman really knows her way around a penis.” — Ron on sleeping with his ex-wife Tammi

Vampire Diaries

“I’m worse than shallow — I’m a kiddie pool.” — Caroline

“Unexpected surprise? I think the wrong brother went back to high school.” — Lexi to Damon

“Are you wearing polyester?” — Caroline to Bonnie after she gets zapped by her necklace

Modern Family

“And Mitchell is still upset because Claire quit the team right before some meet.” — Cam
“Some meet? The 13-and-under regional championship. Just the Emerald City at the end of my yellow brick road.” — Mitchell
“Oh, you did it.” — Cam
“What?” — Mitchell
“You made figure skating sound even gayer.” — Cam

“Last year you said basketball was going to be my sport.” — Luke
“Look, I’ve said a lot of things I wish I could take back, but I can’t.” — Phil

“It doesn’t matter to you because you had your own moments…. You had cheerleading and high school plays and making out with the quarterback….” — Mitchell
“Oh come on, you made out with him too.” — Claire

“That wasn’t angry talk?” — Jay
“No, that was happy talk.” — Gloria
“I’m beginning to see why there’s so much conflict on your continent.” — Jay

How I Met Your Mother

“That must be that tantric bagpiping that Sting is into … shut the bagpipes up.” — Ted to Robin, about the noisy “bagpiping” neighbors upstairs

”I’ll wash my manhood when I’m good and ready!” — Marshall

Greek

“I hate crickets. Ever since Pinocchio … they’re too bossy.” — Beaver

“Cappie, who do the Kappa Tau’s hate the most?” — Casey
“Ryan Seacrest. Oh no, no, no, wait, wait; Officer Huck.” — Cappie
“And who do the Omega Kais hate the most?” — Casey
“Liberals?” — Cappie

“We’re in.” — Evan
“Well, we’re in further.” — Beaver
“Do you have any idea what comes out of your mouth?” — Tripp
“No … do you?” — Beaver

“We’re all gonna go to girl jail, like those prison movies my boyfriend watches.” — ZBZer, after the fire

The Office

“I am not robbing the cradle … if anything, I’m robbing the grave.” — Michael, on dating Pam’s mom

South Park

“What would you call a straight man, who doesn’t own a Harley, but likes them and might buy one someday?” — Woman
“You call him bike-curious.” — Cartman