Rescue Me does a good job mixing up the serious and the funny. Last week’s descent into the hell that is Tommy’s scarred psyche gave way to this week’s jocular antics. The episode had a boxing theme running throughout, and I’m not just talking about Franco’s ring debut. The entire cast was throwing down with one another all night long. There were jabs, right hooks, uppercuts, a knockdown, a draw and a couple devastating knockouts. The only thing missing was douchebag ring announcer Michael Buffer. Enough hype. “Let’s get ready to….”
The Undercard
Lou vs. Tommy - These two can’t stop poking at each other. Both are heading for disaster in their personal relationships, but all they care about is proving the other wrong. Tommy landed a body blow with his “conduit” remark. Lou countered with a “whore” comment to the jaw. It looked even until Candy dropped an engagement ring in Lou’s mashed potatoes. Tommy gets credit for a knockdown, but this back-and-forth bout ain’t over yet. Call it a draw so far.
Colleen vs. Bart – Bart would have been better off not getting back together with Colleen. Now the poor sap is stuck in a pussy whipped nightmare. Colleen knocked him on his ass with the revelation that she was a lesbian. The look on Bart’s face was priceless, as was his response: “You were a lezbo boo?” Colleen punches below the belt, then wins it with a straight left to the nose.
Garrity vs. cancer – Take that cancer! Sean took your best shots and is still standing. Cancer is down for the count. Let’s hope it stays that way.
Garrity vs. the guys – Leave it to Garrity to bungle beating the Big Casino. His admission that he skimmed $80,000 from the bar profits didn’t sit too well with the crew. “Two-time embezzling piece of shit” was the consensus feeling among the gang. Garrity is way up on points in this titanic tussle, but I’m certain the boys will come back with a vengeance. To be continued.
Tommy vs. Sheila – No matter how long Tommy trains for this heavyweight showdown, he’ll never win against Sheila. The crazy bitch is too damn unpredictable. Plus she’s doped up more than Paula Abdul. You can’t engage in the sweet science with a drug-addicted lunatic and come out on top. It would be like a wide-eyed young pitcher fresh off the farm throwing a fastball to Barry Bonds in 2001.
The Main Event
62 Truck vs. cancer kids – It was a nice gesture for Feinberg to allow the crew to bring the rig down to the hospital, but you knew it wouldn’t end well. Tommy’s heartfelt attempt to inspire a sick little tyke was trumped by another sick little tyke stealing the rig and racing through the streets of New York City. More inappropriate: Mike screaming “We’re all gonna die!” in front of a group of terrified kids or Franco debating with a little girl about Carla’s sexuality? Needless to say, the cancer kids pounded the shit outta 62 Truck.
Another first-rate installment of Rescue Me. Season five continues to impress. See you next week.
Clacked by Scott Tunstall 
on Jul 08, 2009 @ 11:00 EST5EDT
Best part of this episode: no dips***s.
It’s not like I’m ROTFLing watching this show but it’s so extremely well written it hurts.
By the way I watched “The Thomas Crown Affair” last week just because Dennis Leary is in it. I didn’t even remember him in that role. Compared to that he’s come a long way and I love it.
Also caught him on The Late Late Show /w Craig Ferguson together with Fozzie Bear. Hilarious “stuff”.
So glad you’re doing these reviews Scott, it’s such a great addition to the show every week.
By the way, how can you “have been” a lesbian? You either are or aren’t, just like an alcoholic. The word’s bisexual just like Lou put it.
They must have brought back the writers from season one. They are absolutely killing it.
I agree about lesbians. Once a “fuzzbumper” always a “fuzzbumper.”