The Celebrity Apprentice – What the BLEEP was that?

For those of us keeping score at home, the Donald Trump bleep count is now up to two!

Over the course of the last eight seasons.

Apparently, Trump hates to lose so much, that he’s taken to chasing the runaway train that is Dennis Rodman‘s potty mouth. Pick up the pace, Donald; Rodman’s at 200 on the year.

Okay, episode two of this “celebrity” fest was a bit of a puzzler. Often on The Apprentice, the contestants are tasked with an unusual undertaking, a sure sign that Trump and co-creator Mark Burnett are running out of people who are willing to be a part of their franchise. Last night, the resigned partner was zappos.com. The challenge? Design a comic book character to potentially become the mascot of the e-retail website. How dumb was that? See both characters for yourself, above and below.

Meanwhile, the men and women went through the creative process, focus groups and all. Here’s what caused me to drop my chin. We got to watch the women’s focus group first, a handful of youngish men come to respond to the ladies’ creation. Many a comment was made by the participants about how unlikely it was for them to be discussing comics with a playboy playmate (Brande Roderick). Okay, not an unreasonable observation.

Team leader Khloe Kardashian, however, took things to a new level. In a talking head, she described the members of the focus group as typical comic book readers (okay), or what she would imagine comic book readers to be. (Huh?) Her assumption? The men assembled weren’t used to being around pretty women. Maybe pretty female superheroes, but not real women. Seriously? She said this on national television? Who the hell is Khloe Kardashian? Her father was a well respected attorney, and her sister made an infamous home movie; so she’s who to insult these guys? Not that celebrity should absolve her, but who does she think she is?

Not to be outdone by another nobody, Claudia Jordan jumped in with her own choice opinion, this time with the men barely out of the room. As the door swung closed behind the focus group, she observed to her fellow teammates: “Were those a group of virgins, or what?” How disgusting can these people be? Jordan is best known for standing in a flowing dress next to a briefcase on Deal or no Deal, but sure, why not insult a bunch of people who just provided you with constructive criticism on your “celebrity” task. These guys were probably so excited to be on TV that they told all of their friends and family to tune in. Did they all really need to be embarrassed like that? I’m a little upset that Trump had nothing to say to the women about their behavior in the boardroom, as he usually passes judgment on things he deems inappropriate once in there. It seems silly, but it really bothers me a lot.

So, the women won again. Not surprising, since the men decided to play on the letter “E,” for a company whose name begins with a “Z.” And it probably didn’t hurt that golfer Natalie Gulbis dressed up as the women’s dominatrix superhero. Fitting that her name was “Mizz Z.”

Let’s not forget some other highlights from the night (how in the world are these things two hours long?):

• Apparently, Michael Jackson‘s figured out a way to get his estate out of bankruptcy. He’s playing Claudia Jordan’s double! See her profile shot in that weird blue jacket. Dead ringer.
• The Donald Trump business lessons have returned! It used to be that Trump would yell business pearls at some unseen person (probably his baby son Barron) that were supposed to be applicable to the episode but never were. They disappeared last year, but I guess they have to do something to fill those 120 minutes.
• See Brian McKnight and his “Jim” moment, as he looks back at the camera and rolls his eyes (roughly 21 minutes in).
• Ivanka was absent this time. Remember last week when Trump bit her head off for calling Andrew Dice Clay a quitter? In this boardroom, Trump was asking Brande Roderick why she didn’t play the superhero. By the way, Donald, at least pretend that she’s there for some amount of business acumen. Trump’s comments about how little she’s worn before, and his questions about how many times she’s been on the cover of Playboy, were way uncalled for. Anyway, he mentioned that years ago he tried and failed to pick Brande up. But that was before he was “Trump”. Now, she’s 34, and he’s been arguing about how much he’s really worth for longer than 16 years. So either he likes to pretend that he’s the big man (check), or he made the moves on Brande when she was in nursery school. But I digress. Don Don took a dig at papa for being shy, and everyone had a nice chuckle. Hypocritical, you say? (If you’re lost, I’m talking about his treatment of Ivanka vs. Don Don.) Absolutely! Don Don, you’ve gotten the lions share of the will locked up!
• Melissa Rivers is a really disgusting person. She got what was coming to her (for now) when the focus group had no idea who she was. Hopefully there’s more of that in her future.

So, yeah, the task was a loser (as was Scott Hamilton). But the insanity is still fresh. These people are seriously delusional to think … well, they’re seriously delusional. It’s really wild to hear what’s going through their heads at any given time. And Dennis Rodman is just living on a different planet. I can’t wait to see him as project manager … maybe the upcoming wedding dress task? Sounds intriguing. Don’t miss it!

Clacked by Aryeh S.
on Mar 09, 2009 @ 18:00 EST5EDT