I’ll have the automation with a side of downsizing – Guest Clack

by Keith McDuffee

Today’s guest clacker is Scott Tunstall, a freelance writer with a degree in Cinema and Television. If you like obscure and overlooked films, check out his blog.

The terms Ignite, Media Object Server and Airspeed likely mean nothing to the average person. However, if you’ve been employed in the field of Television News Production in the last five years you’re either very familiar with them or will be soon. They are overly fancy monikers given to software based servers that utilize automation to operate. Essentially, they are computers programmed to replace humans. Remember the HAL 9000 in 2001? How about Mother in Alien or Skynet from Terminator? Villainous supercomputers armed with artificial intelligence bent on destroying mankind. Who would construct such tools of devilry? Oh yeah, that would be humans.

From a General Manager or Production Manager’s perspective Automation provides a perfect excuse to trim needless production staff. It’s quite ingenious when you break it down. If I were of the managerial ilk I would much rather shitcan some poor sap on the basis of technological advancement than have to trump up some excuse to cover the fact that I just don’t like the guy. Here’s a scenario where I’m a manager, speaking to my boss about firing some clown that rubs me the wrong way:

Me as Manager: “Listen, about this guy Ted, in Production.”
My Boss: “What about him?”
Me: “He’s a complete ass. Can I fire him?”
Boss: “Is he incompetent?”
Me: “No, he’s good at his job, but he’s a friggin’ mutant. I mean who the hell wears Hawaiian shirts every damn day? Doesn’t that bother you?”
Boss: “Hadn’t really given it much thought. But you do need a valid reason to terminate an employee.”
Me: “Shit, really?”
Boss: “Afraid so.”
Me: “Hmm. What about this Automation we’re bringin’ in next year? Can I use that to my advantage?”
Boss: “Certainly. Why do you think we bought it?”
Me: “Swweeeettt!! Ted is so GONE!!”

What better way to cut dead weight? It’s easily explained and completely justifiable. Who wouldn’t be supportive of Automation? Uh, I guess I wouldn’t, since it took away my job.

I was introduced to the Media Object Server – or HAL — over four years ago. At the time I was employed as a CG Operator at a mid-market television station. Without warning, I found myself helping install the automated software that would eventually render me useless. Kind of a dumb thing to do when you think about it.

There I was, merrily modifying templates so they could interact with a computer. It didn’t really dawn on me until a few days later that I was a willing participant in my own demise. I stared at the new automated server and thought to myself, “How can I covertly sabotage this evil device?” A red light on the server began to blink. A calm, monotone voice infiltrated my mind, “Just what do you think you’re doing, Scott? Look Scott, I can see you’re really upset about this…” Bizarre.

I quickly overcame my malaise and accepted my fate. I was the victim of an automated software-based server. That would make a terrific title for a Lifetime movie. Better call my agent. Wait, I don’t have an agent. Damn!

In the spring of 2008, a Mother-like system appeared in our control room. It was called Airspeed. I think my first bicycle was an Airspeed, made by Schwinn if I’m not mistaken. It had a tiny bell on the handlebars and the pedals were metallic blue. Ah, to be young again. Where was I? Oh yeah, another piece of technology designed to make humans obsolete. It was called Airspeed and with a cool name like “Airspeed” how could you not be impressed? A lot of people were, but none of those people were videotape operators.

Airspeed is a tape-less server that eliminates the need for humans to load tapes. Big deal! Loading tapes is so ’80s anyway. Kind of like big hair and cocaine. (Off topic, a “friend” of mine whom I don’t know very well and don’t hang out with every Saturday night tells me cocaine is making a serious comeback). Back to Airspeed: It’s fast, convenient, and most importantly cost-effective.

Fortunately, I left the dying industry that is TV production prior to the inevitable arrival of Skynet – rather, Ignite – another kick-ass sounding handle that makes one think of some awful Hollywood action flick. The trailer would go something like this: Will Smith is a cop on the edge about to — IGNITE! Or better yet: Don’t mess with Will Smith or he will — IGNITE! You get the point. Anyway, Ignite is a fully-automated production system that can be controlled by a single person. The brochure says it’s practical and easy-to-use and requires very little maintenance. It does eliminate jobs, but pshaw! Who cares about that? I’ll take two.

All of these new technologies — MOS, Airspeed and Ignite — exist to create more efficient workflow solutions. Hold on, did I really write that? My apologies. I just channeled my former boss. Apparently, I was paying attention and not texting my girlfriend during those monotonous monthly department meetings. But I digress. “Efficient workflow solutions” is a non-threatening way to describe downsizing. So if you happen to overhear your supervisor utter these three ominous words, you may want to polish the ol’ resume and start perusing hotjobs.com. And no, I’m not suggesting you eavesdrop outside your bosses’ office while pretending to fill out your time card. I mean who would do that? Not me or any of my co-workers. That would constitute an invasion of privacy and I’m nothing if not a stickler for company policy. Ahem.

I don’t mean to worry anyone. I’m quite sure in this rock-solid economy your job is completely safe. No really, there’s probably nothing to fear. Unless you happen to be employed by a soulless corporation whose only interests are profit margins and bottom lines and cares little for the average working stiff who has bills to pay and families to feed. See, no reason for concern. It’s not like any of us work for those types of organizations. Right?

Photo Credit: MGM