TV characters I would like to ship to the “new world”

ABC

Happy Columbus Day everyone!  In honor of this pretend holiday the historic explorer, I thought it would be appropriate to take a minute to reflect.  That uncharted sail across the Atlantic ocean back in 1492 must have been frightening and perilous, with threats of scurvy, dehydration, starvation, and even mutiny at every turn. Not to mention the lack of plumbing, general uncleanliness, and having to see the same faces for months on end with no relief.  Now that I think of it, that sounds like absolute torture.

There are some characters that I would love to get off my TV screen, and I’m not above shipping them on a horrendous voyage across the ocean.  Come check out my picks.

• Claire Littleton from Lost. While I admit that she has become far less annoying since she no longer runs around the island yelling, “CHAH-leee,” she’s still annoying.  If I can’t throw her on a boat, I’ll be happy that at least she’s chilling out in Jacob’s cabin with her dead dad.  Let’s hope she hangs out there a little longer….
• Nathan Petrelli from Heroes. This dude already should have died twice, if you ask me.  He got shot in the chest (by his own brother, no less!) at the end of last season.  At the end of the first season he was seen flying off into the sky with Peter exploding in his arms.  The real question is why they keep bringing him back. What is he adding to the show?  Now, he’s found religion and a cool imaginary friend.  I’ve had enough of him.
• Juliet Darling from Dirty Sexy Money. If I wanted to watch a stupid blonde rich girl and her problems, I would just watch Paris Hilton.  And frankly, if that was something I wanted to do, I would probably gouge my eyes out.  In any case, the makers of Dirty Sexy Money were kind enough to get rid of this dead-weight character for me.  Word is she’ll pop up now and then, and I’m cool with that.  Just keep her away from me on a regular basis.
• Olivia Dunham from Fringe. I know it’s still early, but Olivia has got to be one of the least charismatic, most boring lead characters in any drama on TV right now.  I’m still giving the show some time before I judge it, but Olivia is already on my bad side.  She isn’t even necessary on this show.  It’s like they created all the other characters and realized they needed a boring, moderately attractive female.
• Glenn Bishop from Mad Men. This creepy little kid doesn’t show up a lot, but when he does … well … I wish he wasn’t there.  I understand that symbolically he says a lot about Betty Draper.  The only person that she actually relates to is a screwed up young boy.  Regardless of the story telling purposes, I say we throw this little weirdo onto the boat.

Clacked by Bob Degon
on Oct 13, 2008 @ 09:00 EST5EDT