CliqueClack

Is Scandal’s President the wussiest man alive, or the biggest stalker ever?

Is Olivia “Sleeping with the Enemy”?

Come on now, if Grant weren’t hot and the president of the United States, would you see any of his recent actions as romantic? No. I thought not. He sends his bodyguards to kidnap Olivia WHILE she’s in the middle of a client crisis. He attempts to have sex with her in the middle of the woods WHILE THEY WATCH. (Even if they hadn’t turned their backs, Grant would’ve kept on going.) Grant destroys her ex-fiancee’s career for TALKING to her WHILE keeping tabs on her past relationships. THEN, he tricks her into dinner by renting out a restaurant with FAKE diners! That is NOT romantic! That is STALKING!

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The Amazing Spider-Man swings onto home video

November 6th is a big day … The Amazing Spider-Man arrives on home video in many different formats (is something else happening that day?). You can own the film on DVD, Blu-ray, 3D Blu-ray, Digital Download … the possibilities seem endless! If you’re not into the re-boot of the webslinger’s adventures, there are some smaller films coming out that may have skipped past your local cineplex, like Your Sister’s Sister (starring Emily Blunt) and Fire with Fire (with Bruce Willis). Some great older movies are getting new Blu-ray releases this week, including Sunset Boulevard, Guys and Dolls, Beaches, the cult classic They Live, and one of the best versions of the classic Dickens holiday tale, The Muppet Christmas Carol. These films and more will be arriving November 6th, so check out our handy “sample ballot” below to see if these or any of the others are needed in your video collection. Just click on a link to vote … or, get more information about the title or to make a purchase through Amazon.com.

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CliqueClack Giveaway – CHiPs 99 on DVD

This contest is closed. Thank you for entering. Check back for our next giveaway.

Attention all units: the lights are flashing, the bikes are roaring and after 15 years, there’a a lot more freeway to patrol! But there’s not so much interstate that California Highway Patrolmen Ponch and Jon can’t cover it when they again go wherever the rubber meets the road in CHiPs ’99. Larry Wilcox returns as straight-arrow officer Jon Baker and Erik Estrada reprises his role as free-spirited Frank “Ponch” Poncherello in this 15-year reunion that adds a ‘90s sensibility to the can’t-miss elements that made the 1977-83 CHiPs TV series a fan-pleasing success: cool motorcycles, freewheeling fun and widespread disregard for the California traffic code. This time, that disregard turns dangerous. Ponch and Jon confront an automobile hijacking ring that may be the ultimate in road rage!

And fans of this TV movie reunion are in luck because CliqueClack has one copy of the DVD, now available for the first time from the Warner Archive Collection, for a lucky reader. How do you enter? Simple: all you need to do is leave a comment below telling us why you need to have this DVD (and please keep this fair — one comment per email address). The contest runs from 9:00 AM, Saturday, November 3rd through 11:59 PM, Friday, November 9th. One winner will be selected at random, and we’ll contact the winner for shipping information*. So what are you waiting for? Get those motors revving and tell us why you want CHiPs ’99 for your DVD collection.

*Please note: This title will only ship to a US address.

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Insultingly Stupid Movie Physics takes filmmakers to task

There are some people out there that I would affectionately call “nerds”. Sometimes I say it to my face. You may be thinking “Oh, I’m not really a nerd”. But if you’ve ever watched a movie and thought: “What? No, that’s not possible!”, then you should read this book.

Insultingly Stupid Movie Physics comes from the website Intuitor Insultingly Stupid Movie Physics, where it grades several popular movies on a scale of decent “Good” physics to “Extremely Terrible” physics. It is the site that proudly proclaimed the pretty stupid disaster movie The Core to be the worst physics movie of all time, and is therefore hilariously watchable. But you don’t need to know a lot of physics math or formulas to like this book, although if you do, you will adore this book. The book is great for movie buffs or physics students wondering how to grasp some key concepts. Of course, the very start of this text admits that enjoying some movies (like fantasy) allows for more than a little suspension of disbelief.

But here is the book’s radical treatise: Maybe movies don’t have to be realistic to be fun.

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Denzel Washington’s Flight is probably not about what you think it is

If you’ve seen the commercials and trailers for Denzel Washington’s new movie Flight, you probably think you’ve got a pretty good idea what it’s about. Denzel plays a badass pilot, who saves the day by flying a passenger aircraft in ways it was never intended to (spoiler: upside down). There is a question about whether or not he’s at fault, and because we learn that he’s a crazy bastard who’d roll a plane with 102 people on board, it’s not that much of a stretch to think he’s a bit out there.

I asked a fellow Clacker to describe what he thought the film was about having only seen the trailer and television spots. Michael’s response: “It’s about the skewering of a pilot who doesn’t deserve to be skewered.”

But you, see, all of that is not what Flight is about. Sure, the things that you see in the trailer happen, but the film’s marketing barely even hints at the real story. How much misdirection? One of the flick’s most central characters is nearly completely absent from any of the marketing.

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Wreck-It Ralph is a charming, heartfelt, very-nearly-but-not-quite classic

What do you do when all you have is your job? If it’s fulfilling and meaningful, you’ve got that much to keep yourself pushing on. But what if your job just … stinks?

Wreck-It Ralph begins with almost instant parallels to Toy Story, with its mixture of a real world arcade and how the video game characters interact with it. But soon enough, we see this is only part of the story, and not the important part. Ralph (John C. Reilly) is the villain of a classic 80’s arcade game that’s still somewhat popular in the modern age (similar to Donkey Kong or Pac-Man), the titular wrecker of buildings before the hero Fix-It Felix Jr. (Jack McBrayer of 30 Rock) fixes it all with his magic hammer. But after 30 years of the same old, same old, Ralph longs for something more — acceptance and an end to his loneliness and isolation. Strong stuff already. The previews have already shown the fantastic “Villains Anonymous” scene where Ralph opens up with all the classic video game villains, although I wouldn’t call Street Fighter II’s Russian wrestler Zangief a villain.

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Revolution & The Walking Dead: A tale of two apocalypses

Thanks to the Mayans and their inability to create an infinite calendar, our obsession with postulating the “end of the world” has increased over the past few years, exemplified by all the movies and television series exploring that premise. Whether it’s a giant meteor, a zombie-inducing outbreak, or just some nerds with magic necklaces who stop electricity from flowing, Hollywood keeps coming up with ways to thrust humanity into a battle against global extermination. As an audience, we are fascinated watching the portrayal of how these characters adapt to extreme situations while imagining how we would cope after surviving such a massive global change.

While Revolution and The Walking Dead have drastically different premises, they both present a world where society has crumbled and people are forced to rebuild. I’ve voiced my concerns regarding Revolution’s focus on mythology over storytelling, but it wasn’t until I caught up on this season of TWD that I realized why Revolution has bothered me so much — because it can be done well (as TWD has proven), but they just keep following the path of the cliché.

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USA’s Common Law bites the dust

Boy, oh boy. I owe you folks an apology for posting this week’s Clacking in Color two days late. With the day job keeping me busy, I haven’t had a lot of time to really write … but at least my bills are getting paid. Sadly, it seems that the bills of one of my favorite actors may be going overdue for a while. The USA Network just announced that Common Law, the quirky cop show that premiered this past summer, has been canceled and I’m not quite sure how I feel about that.

I mean, let’s be honest — it wasn’t exactly appointment television. The show aired on Fridays for crying out loud. However, it did feature a talented person of color in a lead role — Michael Ealy — and that’s always a good thing for increasing diversity on the airwaves, right? I thought Ealy made a damn good detective, and to be honest, I enjoyed his chemistry with Warren Cole, but I guess others didn’t. According to The Times-Picayune, a newspaper published in New Orleans, the city where the show was shot, the latter half of the series averaged just 1.8 million viewers. I guess the writing was on the wall. Still, I had hope. Earlier this year, I asked readers who their favorite buddy cop duo was and featured Ealy and Cole as the focus of that particular column. As far as I’m concerned, I did my part.

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The 12 most memorably terrifying TV episodes ever

What are the TV episodes that scared the heck out of you THEN that you still remember NOW? In the 90s, right after I graduated from college, Buffy‘s “Hush” scared the crap out of me. It might’ve come out in December but it felt pure Halloween 180%. After that, Dr. Who’s “Blink” comes a close second. Like “Hush,” I watched it on my couch, while clutching a pillow, utterly terrified. No joke. I am still afraid of stone angels to this day.

So, I called the CliqueClack gang to ask people about the most memorable TV episode that scared the crap out of them. Although almost everyone claimed they didn’t watch scary TV, almost everyone had one. Interestingly enough, Bob pointed out that no American Horror Story episode made the list. Although I couldn’t include as-of-yet unaired episodes of The Following or The Cult on the list. James Purefoy in The Following gives me nightmares.

So, in no particular order, find the most memorably terrifying TV episodes ever from the CliqueClack gang.

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Seven reasons why Signs is the creepiest movie you didn’t see

I never saw Signs in the movie theater in 2002. Having watched The Sixth Sense and Unbreakable, I didn’t quite understand what M. Night Shyamalan wanted to accomplish with Signs. It seemed small, provincial and leagues away from the awesomeness of a social worker ghost and the Glassman.

But, watching Signs during the 21st Philly Film Festival screening, I realized it’s deliberately small and provincial. It’s about a small town and an eggshell fragile family attempting to heal the ruptures caused by absent faith and an absent mother/wife. However, as the characters dealt with those issues, the film’s overarching narrative made me realize that it was also one of the CREEPIEST movies I’ve ever seen. Signs is definitely Halloween-worthy. Everything about Signs is creepy from the opening credits until the final swing. The film provides a classic cinematic thriller feeling along the lines of Rosemary’s Baby. Shyamalan didn’t use gore, bright lights or angry serial killers. Instead, he relied on barking animals, shadowy faces, loud noises and cut off fingers.

So, why is it one of the creepiest movies for the 21st century? Let me count the ways …

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