CliqueClack

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters is absurd … but entertaining

Pop quiz. Who knows what the number one movie in Russia was for the weekend of January 18? No, not Django Unchained. That was number two. The number one movie in Russia was … Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters! How the heck did that happen? That’s almost as surprising as finding out that Will Ferrell and Adam McKay were producers on the film. I guess it’s also kind of surprising that Jeremy Renner is in the movie. I mean, I remember when Renner was the next big “serious” actor after his overnight success in The Hurt Locker which he followed up with The Town. A look at his resumé, though, shows an interesting pre-Hurt Locker career: guest shots on Angel, Time of Your Life, and CSI:, the starring role in Dahmer, and an uncredited appearance in a Pink music video! Then Marvel came calling, followed by Universal (to replace Matt Damon in the Bourne movies), and now this … a movie that has actually been sitting on the shelf for about a year.

Now before you assume that means the movie is garbage, it must be noted that the film was another of those MGM productions that were trapped in the studio’s bankruptcy limbo with Skyfall, Red Dawn and The Cabin in the Woods. Of course, it could be argued that the fact that the movie opened in Russia (!) before it did in the US, and had a press screening the night before opening day (and in some places hosting midnight showings, it was only four hours before opening), and the fact that the film runs a surprisingly short 88 minutes, that certainly should peg this one as a pure stinker.

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American Horror Story ends its second season on a not-good WTF note

As strange and unique as last season’s American Horror Story was, I dug it. I fully admired the uniqueness of the show — at least to anything else on television last year — and the times it stepped outside any sort of comfort zone to try and make us feel … uncomfortable. When I heard the second season was going to completely start a new story from scratch, I criticized it as a possibly dumb — albeit brave — move; it would be like starting a completely new show, and possibly confuse old fans not aware of the non-continuing storyline from the first season. However, it didn’t stop me from wanting to tune in, so I did.

What originally started off a a promising new story to tell in the AHS-verse turned out to be a jumbled mess of evil where I’m still not sure what the overall plot was supposed to be.

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Is Arrow’s Speedy a spoiled, stuck up baby? Yes.

I have had it up to here with Arrow’s Speedy. I know, I know — Green Arrow’s original sidekick was a drug addict. But, I never read the comic featuring his drug use. I remember his character before the drug abuse, the character after, and the character in his recent relapse, but for some odd reason I never read the original during, so I can’t comment on Arrow’s faithfulness. But, I just can’t deal with Speedy’s “issues” anymore.

Seriously, what is wrong with this kid? For all of her 18 years she lived nothing but luxury. Everything terrible in her life turned itself around. She thought her brother died, BUT HE CAME BACK!!! She thought her father died. He did. But, she also got a kickass stepfather. ON top of that, she had her mother, her brother’s ex-girlfriend and her brother’s best friend ALL surrounding her and supporting her. But, WAH, she’d rather wallow in her misery than thank her familial blessings.

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Thanks for faking the Presidential Inauguration, Beyonce

The Presidential Inauguration was faked.

Wait … let me be a little more exacting: Certain aspects of Monday’s Presidential Inauguration were faked … not the reinvestiture of the president itself.

That monkey business music director, composer and producer Rickey Minor stated in the piece? “There’s (sic) too many variables to go live. I would never recommend any artist go live, because the slightest glitch would devastate the performance.” Bull pucky with extra cream on top. You’re a damned professional, aren’t you? Don’t you perform for a living? Don’t you walk out on stage in front of thousands of people and do your thing? What the hell?!? Get out there and do what you do best!

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Why I respect Wendy Williams so much

When it comes to popular talk shows, most people probably think about Oprah. I suppose that shouldn’t be too surprising considering that she was practically the goddess of broadcast journalism. However, with Oprah’s highly successful show now defunct and her network still vying to be a top contender, it seems a new inquisitive vixen is on the rise, and you won’t believe who it is — Wendy Williams.

“How you doin’?”

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ABC’s The Taste sadly lacks flavor

While I don’t sit on The Food Network all night long like I used to years ago, I like a decent cooking competition show. I still catch Iron Chef whenever I can (read: these days, sadly, never), and I make time to watch FOX’s MasterChef when it returns. So, when I saw another cooking competition show coming to network television, I was excited at the thought that it might give me another fix weekly food porn.

ABC’s The Taste — which premieres tonight at 8PM — takes a different approach to shows like Iron Chef, MasterChef, Top Chef and Chopped. Each incoming contestant has one hour to prepare a gourmet meal that fits on a large spoon — and by large I mean it just barely fits in the judges’ mouths.  The food doesn’t have to look good, it just has to “taste” good, hence the show’s title. The judges each get their own spoonful of the mini-meal, without knowing anything about the person who prepared it. After their tasting, they’re each required to decide whether they want the person who cooked that dish to be on their team … and I’m not entirely sure what that means, but more on that later. The contestant is then revealed to the judges, they reveal their yes/no vote, and we move on to another contestant. In the end, each judge needs to have a team of four, so they need to choose wisely.

It sounds like a neat premise, and the judges (who include Anthony Bourdain, for one) are a nice and mostly likable bunch. The problem is that, so far, this show looks to have needed more fleshing out before it should have been brought to air.

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How I Met Your Mother slams the door on the Carly theory

It’s funny how quickly things could change. It was just last week that we lived in world where Lance Armstrong didn’t dope, and Manti Te’o actually had a girlfriend. Mostly, though, it was just eight days ago that I was a card-carrying member of the group of How I Met Your Mother fans that believed that the titular mother would eventually be revealed as Barney’s half sister Carly.

I jumped on board this particular theory as soon as the episode introducing the character first aired. It was a throwaway line as we learned more about Jerry Whitaker’s family. Just enough of a clue for people who pay close attention, but nothing overt and obnoxious; if producers Carter Bays and Craig Thomas were going to throw fans a bone, this is the way they’d do it.

But last week, a solid piece of evidence seemed to put that theory in doubt. In a flash forward, we learned from guest stars Rachel Bilson and Kaylee DeFer that Ted’s soulmate would be playing in the band at Barney and Robin’s wedding. It would really stretch the imagination for Barney’s half-sister to get a gig playing at her half-brother’s wedding from a random third (fourth?) party. Continue reading 'How I Met Your Mother slams the door on the Carly theory' »

CBS’ Vegas does NBC’s Playboy Club, only better

CBS’ Vegas is the better version of NBC’s Playboy Club. Last year, NBC introduced a Mad Men knock-off allegedly returning to when men were men and women were eye candy … like THAT’s changed. Instead, we received a saccharine sweet, Taylor Swift rework. Rather than focusing on the Playboy Club’s seedy underside, the show provided a sanitized, kindergarten version. The club’s mysterious ladies man was a pretty boy playing dress up. The strong women wearing bathing suit-accessorized heels were the opposite of feminists.

Plus, the 1960s world created by the Playboy Club had nothing in common with that period’s reality. In the show’s world, racism magically didn’t exist and women weren’t sexual objects. Using the Playboy name shackled the writers creatively. Sure, Hef gave them carte blanche, but they wrote to the club’s idealized fantasy, rather than its historical actuality. I briefly wondered — what if they created a show focused on a generic casino (not the Playboy club fantasy) featuring Nick Dalton as the owner (to more believably center him in the action)? Would that create a more believable 1960s drama? The answer is yes. The result is Vegas.

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Now is the time for you to recognize brilliance

There’s a time for everything.

Many people learned this initially in Kevin Bacon‘s Footloose back in the day. Remember the Bible verse he read during the town council meeting from Ecclesiastes 3? “… (there is) a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance …”

Well, it goes without saying (whether you agree with me or not) there’s even a time for a commercial such as this one, regardless of which side of the fence you might stand on concerning Speedos.

The commercial itself is “old” as far as advertisements go; it hails from July of last year. But as far as I’m concerned it stands out as one of the best and most unique ads still blazing out a cathode ray tube and into a living room near you.

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Three classic Oscar winners come to Blu-ray

We’re now in the midst of award season with the Academy Awards on the horizon, so what better time to take a look back at some former Best Picture Oscar winners? Warner Home Video has dug into the vaults to present Best Picture winners from 1932, 1942, and 1989. These films have all been available on various home video formats, but Warners has gone one step further and upgraded these three classic films to Blu-ray, and the end results are nothing short of spectacular.

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